


Seoul Singing

by AutumnTribe, DigiDiva



Series: Seoul Pedestrian Traffic [3]
Category: B.A.P, Block B, K-pop
Genre: Author collaboration, Boldfaced RPS, College Zelo, Cross dressing (stage costume), Cross-band pairing, Fluff and Smut, M/M, More Miscommunication, Sequel, Some angst, unconventional pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-10 20:35:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7860202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnTribe/pseuds/AutumnTribe, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigiDiva/pseuds/DigiDiva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>--Chapter 15 is posted, and the story is finished!!--</p><p>It always seemed to be in the quiet margin of morning when they lay half awake, cuddled together, that the phone rang. Taeil inhaled sharply through his nose, dragging himself off Junhong's chest and reaching for the handset.</p><p>---      ---      ---</p><p>**Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/7109125/chapters/16149988#">Strange Music</a>**<br/>We strongly suggest reading that series first...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Public is Harsh

It had been an intolerably hot day, temperatures soaring to nearly 38c and remaining there for hours. Even in Taeil's climate-controlled flat, the humidity and heat were present underneath the cooled air. Even when they ran the cooling so heavily the windows were damp with condensation, a sense of stifled warmth remained.

Taeil went directly to the closet when he arrived home from meeting with his theater troupe and changed into lightweight shorts and a sleeveless top. He saw the indicator light flickering on the answering machine, but waited for Junhong to get home.

It wasn't a long wait. He was searching through the refrigerator for a snack when the door opened and when he looked, Junhong was in the foyer, peeling off his tee shirt at the same time as toeing out of his shoes.

"Hey, gorgeous." Taeil greeted placidly. He settled for a carton of juice and leaned against the counter with it, watching Junhong strip. "I was resenting the heat earlier, but I think I like it now."

"I'm glad." Junhong laughed. "I think I still resent it."

"Then I won't hug you yet, and if Jihoon suggests eating outside, we'll say no." Taeil grinned. He sidled closer, stretching for a quick kiss. "We have five messages. Now, or after dinner?"

"Soon as I get shorts on." Junhong hurried to the bedroom, shouting over his shoulder. "How was the meeting?"

"They know I'm gay." Taeil blandly replied.

"Oh? They haven't forgotten?" Junhong teased.

"Nope. It was the topic of the day." Taeil braced his palms against the counter and boosted himself up.

"Ah..." Junhong tried to imagine having a business conversation about his sexuality... "That sounds terrible. What happened?"

"Hun and Hyo were trying to pitch our next production... Then things got bizarre and personal without really meaning to." Taeil groused.

"How does that work?" Junhong returned to the kitchen in the process of zipping and buttoning his shorts.

"It doesn't." Taeil declared, and Junhong knew he was done talking about the topic. He'd grown familiar with Taeil's sudden endings to uncomfortable conversations.

He took a second carton of juice from the refrigerator and rubbed it against his forehead. "I'm ready for the messages if you are."

Taeil wrapped an arm around Junhong as soon as he was close and pressed the button.

The first message was from Jihoon, obviously from his mobile. It sounded like he was driving, which always amazed Junhong. As often as Jihoon tagged along, it was easy to forget he also drove. "Hi! I was just wondering what you guys are doing this morning. My cleaning girl is sick and her replacement isn't very good, so unless you call to tell me before three, dinner will be at Minhyuk's house instead of mine. See you at five. Or call! I'm bored."

"Right, Min's place." Taeil nodded. The machine beeped as he hit delete.

"Yah." Kyung. Nobody else sounded like him. "I have money for you two. It's about the same as last time... Sales just hold steady with this thing, which is good since you're a virtually unknown act and you aren't promoting. Call or text so we can meet up."

"Good." Junhong leaned his head against Taeil's shoulder, enjoying the way the counter helped eliminate their height difference. "That will help with school supplies."

Taeil nodded, mussing his hair. He said something, but it was lost under the machine's beep. Then Himchan was carrying on, loudly.

"You two are never home!" He laughed, though his tone had been chiding. "I was hoping to check in on you, but I guess you'll have to call me back. Incheon is so beautiful, even when it's hot! I can hardly wait to tell you what Jongup did... It was crazy. I'm so tired of Yongguk's old friends, though. Call me. I need to hear my baby boy's voice."

"He misses your voice, baby." It was Taeil's turn to tease. He deleted the message. Junhong wouldn't forget to call back.

"This is detective Park. The team has pulled together a photo lineup for you to look at when you have the time. Call me, so we can meet."

"Great." Taeil muttered, skipping the part where Detective Park gave his number for possibly the twenty fifth time.

Junhong considered asking after the investigation, but the next message began.

"This is a courtesy call for Choi Junhong." He already knew it was bad news. Nobody gave courtesy calls when you did well. "We wanted to thank you for auditioning with us, and to encourage your future auditions, however, you were not selected-"

He reached past Taeil to press the delete button. It was the fourth studio to politely thank him for failing to impress them. He leaned into Taeil's immediate hug and sighed. 

"Fighting?" Taeil whispered.

"Yeah." He agreed. 

"Want me to cancel dinner?" Taeil murmured, rubbing his shoulders. "Min would understand..."

Junhong forced himself to smile. He shook his head, turning within Taeil's arms and grabbing him, pulling their bodies together. "So cute and wonderful! But, no. Let's go have fun. We both need it."

The car park was anything but fun, but they made the best of the drive, AC cranked up to maximum and world music - a tradition now - making them laugh. They were like a pair of middle schoolers on their walk from the parking spot to Minhyuk's condo, doing their best impressions of melodramatic Italian soul. With his opera training, Taeil was loud and pronounced all the words flawlessly, which was somehow hilarious.

Jihoon met them at the door and ushered them in, seating them in the quirky yet chic dining room. He was hyper, constantly in motion even after they all sat down to eat together.

Minhyuk shook his head. "How are you two holding up under this heat?"

"Slow cooking, just like last year." Taeil deferred. "At least summer's almost over."

"Imagine wearing a suit all day in this weather." Jihoon started up, fiddling with his fork where it laid on the table. "We took the guys to do a fan sign yesterday and I thought I would die. Two of the boys were wearing leather and they kept complaining, but I was in five layers of linen and silk, and I'm just an assistant."

"Both are too heavy for summer." Min observed. "Can't you wear something lighter?"

"I'm too new. They don't let new assistants dress down." Jihoon dramatically pointed to his short sleeved top. Still designer, but very lightweight. "The PD is so mean, I feel bad for the boys. She scolds everyone for stupid things. Like, I have rules about when and how I use my telephone when I'm with the band. I can't even look at the time if she says blackout."

"That's because their images are sensitive. They've just debuted." Min remained placid as he explained. Junhong bit back a comment about the proper use of wristwatches.

"I know, but she's mean." Jihoon persisted. "One of the boys isn't allowed to eat real food unless he wins it on a show. He lives on vitamins and mineral water and protein shakes, all because she thinks he's fat."

"It's the company that decides that kind of thing, not the PD." Minhyuk corrected. "Entertainment is a rough business, Jihoon. You should know that by now."

Jihoon pouted. He turned to Taeil, leaning so far over the table that he left his seat. "You can see what I mean, right Taeilie? These boys are only sixteen or seventeen."

"That's old enough to make educated decisions about their lives." Taeil poked a finger against Jihoon's forehead, smiling when it made him cross his eyes. "But yeah, I see where you're coming from. The business is harsh. Really, the public is harsh."

"I know. That's why I'm not on stage." Jihoon agreed. He flopped back in his chair, extending his legs so far under the table they ran into both Minhyuk's and Taeil's. "I don't know how you do it."

Taeil frowned, stabbing at the remains of his dinner. He'd eaten less than half of what he'd been offered. "I wonder sometimes if it's worthwhile. People forget that the names in the paper belong to real humans and they say whatever they want. Since I started talking to the police, I get all kinds of insults and threats..."

"Have you told Detective Park?" Jihoon fussed. "He could find these people-"

"He doesn't even have leads on the original people, Jihoon." Taeil pushed his plate in front of Junhong. "Besides, it's illegal to beat someone, but it's perfectly okay to insult them. Seriously, if that was a crime, I'd be in jail. Meanwhile, my troupe wants to billboard my lifestyle..."

"More than it already is?" Minhyuk asked.

Taeil shrugged. "You tell me. Our next production is going to be 'Rent'. They want me to play Angel..."

"Who's Angel?" Jihoon asked, looking worried. Junhong didn't know either. He'd never seen Rent.

"He's a flamboyant transvestite with AIDS. He dies at the end of the second act, so even though he's a big part of the plot, it's paid less than the lead roles..." Taeil explained. "So, part of my worry is the pay. The other part is wearing drag. You know that'll be on blogs and in the paper. 'Gay player wears drag', I could die."

"You could turn down the part." Minhyuk sounded dubious, though.

"Yes, but I shouldn't." Taeil admitted. "I'm the newest member of the troupe, and they picked this for me. Also, the fact is that Angel is a very positive character as gay roles go. He's kind and inspiring, and that's a gift right now, with my public image in the toilet... So I'm going to take the role."

"I think you'll be beautiful in drag." Jihoon insisted, taking Taeil's hand and holding on.

Both Junhong and Minhyuk cleared their throats, meaningfully. Even so, Taeil had to worm his hand free as Jihoon hung on.

"Jihoon, relax. That wasn't the point." Minhyuk chided. He looked contemplative. "How is drag different from what you already do? You wear makeup and skirts."

"Yeah, I do." Taeil agreed, looking embarrassed. Dressed as he was, he looked entirely masculine, even at his size, but they all knew better. "Still, I don't do bras. This is looking like fake boobs and all, which sounds more horrible than my tail in Cats."

"Your tail was cute." Jihoon said before Junhong could make a sound.

"Personally, I liked the ears better." Junhong said placidly. Taeil blushed and the others looked confused. He shook his head.

"Jihoon, you think anything that embarrasses Taeil is cute." Minhyuk rolled his eyes. He turned away from Jihoon, who looked a bit stormy, and addressed Taeil. "I just hope you get along with whoever they have playing Cooper. I bet you two will be kissing a lot."

Taeil shrugged. "Hojun and I are friendly enough. Not friends, but you know. Normal, friendly colleagues. I really don't mind the kissing part. It's just acting."

Jihoon had begun to sulk since Minhyuk's last comment. He grumbled. "Good thing you have experience. It's surprising how well you can pretend you're in love with someone."

Taeil didn't say anything, but Junhong could see how much that hurt his feelings. Whether Minhyuk also noticed or if he was reacting to Junhong's death glare toward Jihoon was impossible to know, but he spoke up anyway. "You're just feeling tender because your job is harder than you thought it would be. Don't lash out at Taeil."

There was no resuming a normal conversation after that. Minhyuk gathered dishes and Jihoon continued sulking as Taeil struggled to pretend he was fine. Junhong invented excuses to go home soon after.


	2. Miles and Time Away

Junhong's fifth audition was unlike any of the others. The scouts were openly enthusiastic, cheering like game show hosts when he demonstrated his more challenging moves. They lingered for almost an hour after he finished dancing, questioning him about past recitals and practical experience.

He knew before he left that he was being signed. They gave him a contact card and an appointment, and left him feeling so excited he went directly to the theater to tell Taeil.

The contract turned out a simple thing, without too many restrictions. The studio was new - an offshoot of a slightly older studio in China - and they were in desperate need of talent. What that meant to Junhong was that they needed him to work, right away.

The day after he signed, he started working on choreography. The day after that, he joined the rest of the team. Within the week, he was asked to be a backup dancer for a major show in China. His time at home was nonexistent for the next five days as he prepared, dancing for hours at a time.

Busy as he was with the first push of setting up for Rent, Taeil didn't mind. He nodded understandingly when told that the company could only transport dancers and crew. He kissed Junhong and linked his hands behind his neck; leaned their foreheads together and joked about practicing his songs all day and night.

There wasn't even time for telephone calls. On the airplane, the four traveling dancers sat close together and talked about their itinerary. None of them had done this before, so they were like a team of children trying to teach themselves. Only one woman knew an adequate amount of Mandarin.

Once they were in China, customs was a nightmare, and the cellular service was nonexistent. Junhong had more than an hour to pass on the train, but nothing to do but fuss.

Then the arrived, and there were days of constant rehearsals and screenings, the show itself, and the mandatory mingling that followed. Junhong let his enthusiasm for the team show, and he got along well in spite of the language barrier, but he kept thinking about Taeil. He was running on the vapors of sleep. Their time in the hotel was minimal; usually only five or six hours a night.

By the time they were finished, he had no energy left. He fell asleep on the train and barely managed to wake up enough to transfer from train to airplane. His fellow dancers laughed, but they were little better, and he'd been asked to do the most.

The plane had arrived in Seoul at almost three in the morning, and Junhong couldn't bring himself to call Taeil at such an unwelcoming hour. The city busses ran all night, so he caught one that came close to home and walked the rest of the way.

He shifted his bag onto his back when he reached the door and dug his key out of his pocket, but the door wasn't locked, and the lights were still on. He locked the door behind himself, dropped his bag, and removed his shoes, then looked around, trying to identify a strange, alcoholic smell.

Taeil had left a cup of melon milk on the table beside the couch, dangerously close to the edge. Junhong lifted it, thinking to move it inward, but it felt warm. Taeil must have forgotten about it. He dumped it down the kitchen sink and ran water into the glass, then walked toward the bedroom.

The bed was empty, and still made. The bathroom door was closed, so he assumed Taeil was using it and took his bag to the laundry room. When he came back, the bathroom door was still closed.

Junhong tapped very lightly. "I'm home..."

There was no answer. Now that Junhong thought about it, he'd been home for at least ten minutes. He glanced around the living room. Taeil wouldn't normally leave the door unlocked if he wasn't within sight of it.

He tapped again. "Taeil? Tell me if you don't want me to come in... I need to wash 'public transit' off my face." Though beginning to worry, he tried to keep his tone light.

When Taeil still didn't reply, he tried the knob and found it locked. It was a simple mechanism, though, so he fetched a small screwdriver from the utility room and turned the screw hidden inside the knob until the lock disengaged.

The light was on, but he didn't see Taeil in the bathroom. Worry was becoming a hard knot in his stomach, as memories of Taeil in the hospital came flooding back. He turned to take a second look through the flat and stopped when he saw something out of place, reflected in the mirror over the sink.

There was dark hair visible in the tub. Junhong turned to look closer and saw Taeil, dwarfed in one of Junhong's knit tops, curled up in the dry bathtub, asleep. The math wasn't adding up.

He leaned over the tub, brushing his fingers across Taeil's cheek. "Why are you locked in the bathroom, honey?"

Taeil made a startled sound, jerking back from his touch and opening his eyes. His lashes were clumped together and his eyes were tinged with pink, but his expression brightened when he saw Junhong. He reached out of the tub to wrap his arms around Junhong's waist, burying his face in Junhong's stomach. "Hey... You're back."

"Have you been crying?" Junhong blurted. He pulled Taeil closer, carding through his messy hair.

"I really missed you." Taeil whispered, as if that was an explanation.

Junhong wanted to ask about everything that was wrong, but he didn't. He just pulled Taeil out of the bathtub and held him tight. "I missed you, too. But, why were you crying?"

"I'm so glad you're home." Taeil murmured against his collar. There was a sense that things had changed while he was out of sight, and Junhong thought he shouldn't have gone. But, Taeil just held on to him, inhaling deep breaths against his neck. "You smell good."

"I don't know why I would." Though Taeil's hair smelled like home, even if he was acting strange. Junhong rubbed his cheek against the top of Taeil's head and kneaded the muscles along his spine. "I was on a train and then an airplane for hours..."

"You smell like you." Taeil insisted. He slipped his hands into the sides of Junhong's tee shirt and flattened his palms over ribs. "How was your trip?"

"It was good. Hectic, but good. I was probably the worst dancer in the show. The team in Beijing is really cool. Most of them have been all over the world, and in major videos... But I thought about you the whole time..." He walked with Taeil to the livingroom, keeping an arm around him as he huddled close.

"I bet you were fantastic." Taeil hesitated at the couch for a second, but sat when Junhong did, snuggling against his side. The alcohol scent was still there, though it was fading slowly.

Junhong sniffed Taeil again. There was a bit of that smell on him too... What had he been drinking? "I threw out your drink. It was warm."

Taeil nodded against his chest. "I forgot about it..."

"When you fell asleep in the tub?" Junhong asked gently.

"Yeah..." Taeil whispered, not taking the bait. He slid a hand back into Junhong's shirt, this time slipping his fingers over his abdominal muscles. "You're so warm. Is it already hot outside?"

"No, not bad. You're just cold." He turned so he could spread out on the couch, pulling Taeil onto himself. Taeil's skin was chilly, but he still felt good, and the way their bodies lined up had never stopped being a turn-on for Junhong. He slid his hands down Taeil's back, stopping at the swell of his bottom. "Want me to warm you up?"

"Mmm..." Taeil stretched against him, rubbing his face against Junhong's neck and kissing his jaw. His hands crawled along Junhong's ribs, across his chest, and up to cradle his face. "Yes."

And there was the strange alcohol smell again, on Taeil's breath. Junhong couldn't figure out why the scent bothered him as much as it did. He propped himself up a little, looking Taeil in the eyes. He didn't seem drunk, just cried out. 

Junhong rubbed his thumb under Taeil's eye, feeling how swollen his lower lid was. "You're sure?"

Taeil stared at him in undisguised wonder. He traced the edge of Junhong's earlobe with his fingertip. "Do you want to? Are you tired?"

"No, I slept on the way home." Which wasn't quality sleep, but it was sleep, and though he still felt things were strange, he always wanted Taeil. Especially after spending days away. Just laying against him made him hungry for more.

Taeil pressed a kiss to his mouth. He slid a hand down between them to rub his palm against Junhong's dick, already straining inside his jeans. "Then I want to feel you inside me."

How the hell Taeil could just say things like that was beyond Junhong, but he liked it. He flipped them over, all too easily, and yanked his tee shirt over his head. "You're so sexy... You have no idea."

Taeil was staring at him oddly, like this was something new. He ducked out of the shirt he'd borrowed from Junhong's drawer and reached for him, pulling them closer together. "Show me."

It was difficult to turn away from that, but Junhong did. He went to the bedroom and fetched the lube, then shed his jeans and underwear beside the couch. Taeil bit his bottom lip and watched as Junhong pulled his pajama pants off him and dropped them on the floor.

He didn't even have time to look Taeil over. He was immediately pulled back down so Taeil could kiss him. Junhong managed to get lube in his hand, laughing between kisses. "Whoa! I missed you, too... But, give me a second."

Taeil shivered as Junhong prepared him, mouthing sloppy kisses against his jaw, his neck, his collarbones. His body had learned to accommodate Junhong's size far more easily than it had at the start of their relationship, but he'd been away. Junhong put in a little extra time and used a little extra lube before he rocked into Taeil and found their rhythm.

Taeil was far more clingy than usual, holding him tightly as they moved against each other, kissing him again and again. He begged for professions of love, lacing his fingers with Junhong's and holding on when they found the best angle. Junhong let go of Taeil's hands and rolled his hips against him hard, driving him steadily toward climax.

Taeil held on with arms and legs, kissing until all he could do was pant and gasp. Then his body tightened down without a touch. He moaned shakily, his body and his limbs still trembling and clinging even after Junhong came.

In the aftermath, Junhong saw tears slipping from the corners of Taeil's eyes. He leaned their foreheads together. "I should've brought you with me. I should've insisted they get you tickets..."

Taeil hushed him. He wiped away his own tears and kissed Junhong's cheekbone; his ear. "We're together now. It's okay."

Junhong nodded, looping his arms around Taeil's ribs. He knew Taeil could tolerate his weight, but couldn't move easily when trapped under him, so he rolled them onto their sides, pushing his bent leg under Taeil for extra support to keep him from falling off the couch.

Taeil stayed pressed against him, completely unconcerned with their sweat or the mess. He was still a bit precarious on the edge of the couch and his breath was a bit too hot and ticklish against Junhong's ear.

Junhong shifted so Taeil's head was near his chest instead, pulling him even closer. He looked down the tangled length of their bodies to make sure Taeil was secure and noticed dark bruises on Taeil's thigh.

Sometimes Taeil was clumsy. He reminded himself of that, fending off thoughts of another assault while he was away. But clumsiness didn't quite excuse the placement and spread of these bruises; like the imprint of fingers and thumb.

Had he been properly rested, he might have asked what happened. As he was, he just made sure Taeil wouldn't fall. He closed his eyes and nestled his face into Taeil's hair, half formed thoughts spinning out as he drifted off.


	3. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We feel compelled at this point to remind everyone that we truly love Pyo Jihoon. He seems to be a very sweet, very funny person in real life.... So, his excesses here are all AU.
> 
> -thank you!
> 
> \---------------------------------

The workload at the studio remained continually heavy through the next week, taking up so much of Junhong's time, he couldn't even welcome Himchan, Yongguk, and Jongup back from their vacation in person. Instead he promised to call each of them and catch up.

He made a point of calling them several times each, stealing time between studio sessions and during breaks at the laundromat, starting the day after they returned. He'd long since learned his lesson on delaying calls.

Meanwhile, he barely had a moment for Taeil, whose rehearsal schedule contradicted Junhong's. Taeil was usually out the door before Junhong woke, and asleep when he got home. They occasionally shared a dinner together, but couldn't find time for anything more.

The week after that, the autumn semester started at university. The combined work at the studio and the first week of classes made Junhong question the sanity of his decision to take on a full course load in the first place.

His contract with the dance studio hadn't stipulated that he be available full time, but following his performance in Beijing, he was asked to make himself available to help a few older but less talented dancers. While it was a lot of work, Junhong loved dancing and he and Taeil agreed that, though exhausting, the extra time was an investment in his future.

He quickly came to love the trees that lined the park-like entry courtyard at the studio. They were foreign species, natives of North America, with unusually rich sap. While most other trees in the city were still green, these had already begun to signal summer's end with patches of blushing gold appearing at the ends of their branches.

His classes were even more time intensive. His first week, he was assigned twice as much independent work as he had been at the start of his prior semester. Even worse, Junhong's new music theory class was taught by an obsessive man who blatantly said that his class should be the students' main priority until it was finished.

At the same time, his mandatory philosophy class was so dry, he kept falling asleep. He was lucky to share the class with Jongup, who was useless at note-taking but always willing to prod him awake if he began to snore or drool.

He was on his own in literature class, with a teacher who began by assigning twenty books and giving an hour long lecture about her expectations for the four major research papers they would be required to write.

Junhong still couldn't afford to quit at the laundromat, though he considered it often. Every shift he worked, he watched his coworkers neglect clients in favor of doing homework, but he could never bring himself to do the same. One evening, he stood at the counter scratching at a piece of note paper, calculating the long math of how much of his life he'd given to scrubbing and scenting other people's delicates.

He was waiting for a bus, after midnight, when Jihoon's Bentley stopped. The window rolled down and Jihoon leaned out, looking unusually subdued. "Hey. Do you need a ride?"

Junhong approached the car smiling slightly despite how tired he felt. "Yeah, that would be great. Thank you."

Once he was in and buckled, Jihoon set off. He was the most cautious driver Junhong had ever rode with, leaving huge openings between himself and other cars, probably protecting his Bentley. He had hiphop music playing quietly, and was unusually untalkative.

Finally, after ten minutes of awkward silence, he glanced at Junhong. ".....how was your trip?"

Junhong shrugged, making a noncommittal noise. "It was cool. Tiring, but cool."

"Oh, that's good." Jihoon stared straight ahead. He fidgeted with the gold piping on the hem of his shirt. "How's Taeil?"

"Well, our schedules haven't really been lining up lately..." Junhong sighed softly, watching buildings and cars pass. "We've been kinda missing each other, you know? I think he's doing okay."

"Oh." Jihoon's fidgeting was only getting worse. He lingered too long at a traffic light after it changed, and the person behind them had to honk.

Junhong stared at him for a moment, thinning his eyes. "Are you okay? You're acting a bit weird."

"Uh, no. Not really." Jihoon sighed, more dramatically than a normal person would. "We... I did something stupid while you were gone and we haven't spoken since then. I mean, we've texted, but I don't think Taeil would want to see me..."

Junhong automatically thought of terrible things. He still went back and forth on wether he liked Jihoon, so it wasn't hard to think of a couple possibilities. He tried to push them from his mind but his look of confusion was soon replaced by one of judgement. "What did you do?"

"Well, I had too much to drink..." Jihoon started off with excuses. Not overly surprising, considering his record, but not a good sign. "I'm a little blurry about it myself, but I know I was horrible and he says everything's okay, but I don't know how it could be, and that makes me feel even worse."

"Right..." Junhong raised an eyebrow. He was already too stressed to be patient with Jihoon. While he mulled over Jihoon's excuses, he thought of how both the apartment and Taeil's breath had smelled like alcohol when he got home from his trip. "So, you got drunk, did something to Taeil, and he forgave you. Unless you want me to start guessing, maybe you could be more specific?"

Jihoon looked tortured. He turned off the radio, which was playing an overly happy rap about being in love. "I said it was blurry. It blends in with a thousand other things I've done and I can't help thinking about how many times I've hurt him and he never said anything."

Junhong huffed a sigh. He was too tired and irritated for the games. "Okay then. So how about I start listing some things that I remember and see if they ring any bells? When I got home, Taeil was locked in the bathroom. He'd cried himself to sleep, curled up in the tub..."

Jihoon looked like a kicked dog. "What time was that?"

Junhong raised his eyebrows again. "Almost four in the morning. When I woke him up, he was startled, almost scared. He looked relieved when he realized it was me. He also had bruises." He didn't want to go to in depth about the bruises on Taeil's thighs, but the more he thought about them, the more they resembled the layout of Jihoon's fingers.

Jihoon stopped in front of the car park behind Taeil's building. He put the Bentley in park but left the engine on. "I think I almost forced myself on him...and he says it's okay. How can that be okay? ...especially if he was as scared and upset as you say?"

"Wait, you think?" Junhong had to physically restrain himself to keep from punching Jihoon in the face. Simultaneously, though, Junhong couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed with Taeil since he didn't say anything to him and forgave Jihoon. "How about you stay away from Taeil for a while? Find something better to do with your life than hurting and stressing out the people around you - who you say you love. Okay?"

Jihoon gaped at him. Slowly, like he was struggling to regain his sense of reality, he began to nod. He looked like he might be on the edge of real, medical shock. ".....okay. That's...fair, I guess."

"Yeah. It's very fair." Junhong unbuckled his seat belt and opened the car door. He looked at Jihoon over his shoulder. "Now, I think it's also fair that I'm going to get out of your car, you're going to drive away, and you're going to stay away until I tell you that you can come back."

He didn't wait for Jihoon's reaction. Instead, he slammed the car door behind himself and stalked through the car park without looking back. The stairs did nothing to reduce his irritation - in fact, the increased heart rate only made him angrier.

Most of the lights were out when he entered the flat, but Taeil was still awake, curled up in front of the television. Junhong turned it off. "Why didn't you tell me about what Jihoon did?"

Taeil startled, staring at him with wide eyes. "What?"

Junhong endured an unpleasant moment when all the times Taeil had done that came to mind. He shook his head. "No. You know what. I just got a lift home from Jihoon and what do you think he talked about?"

The stare he got in reply was frustratingly defensive. Taeil scooted further into the corner of the couch. "Nothing happened. He's overreacting."

"Are you seriously sitting here lying to me?" Junhong gestured widely, then abruptly stalked away to the kitchen. He wasn't hungry, but he needed the space for a minute. He took a bottle of water from the fridge, cracked it open, and drank half of it before he went back to where Taeil was still sitting. "So, 'nothing' made you lock yourself in the bathroom, sleep in the bathtub, and cry so much your eyes were red?"

Taeil looked away, staring uneasily at his hands where they were curled in his lap. He shook his head; bit his lip. "Okay, I'm sorry. Jihoon scared me. But, nothing happened, really. He seemed like he might... But..." He reached for Junhong. "Could you sit close to me...please?"

Junhong sighed, sitting down next to Taeil on the couch. "You didn't tell me anything. Nothing. You didn't even say he came over."

Very cautiously, Taeil leaned closer and rubbed Junhong's arm. "...yeah. I should have. I'm sorry. I just... I know how weird things are between you and Jihoon and I didn't want that to get worse."

"Yeah, but I think Jihoon is a terrible friend anyway." Junhong took Taeil's hand, holding it between his. He tried to calm his expression when he realized his teeth were clenched; blinked a few times, nodding slightly. He wanted to understand where Taeil was coming from, but it wasn't easy to do when he was already so worked up. "Good friends don't hurt their 'loved ones', again and again. Good friends don't act like they own their friends."

"Yeah, I know, but..." Taeil tucked his legs close, turning to face Junhong. "Jihoon has been my best friend for almost four years. I know how screwed up our dynamic is - he blindsided me with that back in April- but I can't claim that's all Jihoon's fault. Besides, he really has come a long way. He usually isn't an asshole, and that night he was drunk... Drunk people are dumb and selfish."

"You're seriously defending him again." Junhong stared at Taeil. "I don't think Jihoon has to be drunk to be dumb and selfish. He always is. Plus, I know what the dynamic between you two is and I hate it. Why do you always forgive him so easily?"

"Flaws included, I've still never had another friend as good as Jihoon." Taeil insisted. "Never."

Junhong didn't believe that. "I don't know, I think that might be a bit of an insult to Kyung and Minhyuk." 

"Except Kyung and Minhyuk almost never spend time with me." Taeil pointed out. "You don't know, but these last few months they've been much more present than they normally are. Both are busy people, and we usually get together once every month or two. That doesn't make them particularly close. Honestly, I think Kyung has more sympathy for you than he does for me. So, my point stands."

Junhong suddenly felt very lucky to have the friends he did. Meanwhile, he resisted the urge to say that Taeil's friends kinda sucked. "I don't understand that. You're worth so much more... Which is why I told Jihoon to stay away for a while."

He half expected Taeil to be upset, but he just nodded, extending his legs over Junhong's and tucking closer so Junhong could get both arms around him. "Okay. ...Can I tell you something a little weird, that I really want you to know?"

"Yeah." Junhong nodded. "What is it?"

"That first day, at the zoo, I felt so unreasonably good just being there with you, it was frustrating. I couldn't stop thinking about you after that, and every time you were late or fell asleep, it felt like a reminder that I was making too much of something meaningless." He snuggled against Junhong's chest, absently rubbing his fingers across his name, where it was embroidered on his uniform shirt. "Then I thought I saw the same thing in you. I kept telling myself it was my imagination, but it was there. That was why I kissed you that first time. I felt like we were almost dating, and you seemed to care more than anyone else I'd ever known, but I knew that couldn't be true..."

Junhong smiled softly in spite of himself and wrapped his arms around Taeil more snugly, resting his cheek on the top of Taeil's head. He let out a small sigh as he began to calm down. "It did feel like we were dating. Though, I remember worrying that you hated me at first."

"Never." Taeil murmured. "I've loved you from the start."

They sat quietly on the couch for a little while, just holding on to each other, regrouping. Junhong felt significantly better by the time he untangled himself from Taeil and got ready for a shower, but he was still a bit uneasy. He had no doubt that they loved each other, but couldn't help wondering what 'unimportant' or 'uncomfortable' secrets Taeil might still be keeping from him.


	4. Ghosts of the Past

A little more than a week later, Taeil came home from rehearsal in a foul mood. He stalked through the flat, throwing a newspaper on the coffee table before closing himself in the bathroom. Junhong looked up from his philosophy essay, raising an eyebrow.

Rather than asking questions, he moved closer and looked at the paper, looking for something that might have upset Taeil. He found it quickly. The paper was folded open to the local news section, where an article at the bottom of the page reported in bold font that Jeon Jaewon's wife, Seoyun had taken their son and left him, claiming spousal abuse.

He returned to the desk in the kitchen, and to Plato. He was wrapping up what he hoped was a passable argument for social consciousness when Taeil emerged from the bathroom. Taeil's hair was damp in the front, his face scrubbed clean and a bit pink.

"Are you okay?" Junhong turned, half stood, and offered a hug.

Taeil leaned against him, tucking his wet face against Junhong's neck. "Today was so frustrating, I could barely stand it. A group of journalists showed up at the theater wanting to talk about things that happened so long ago it's like another life, and everyone was excited except me..."

"About Jaewon?" Junhong asked. He wasn't sure why anyone would care, though. The guy was just a small time lawyer, right?

"Yeah..." Taeil sighed. "They don't care. They just want to write about messed up gay relationships and they see an opportunity. But my whole troupe thinks any print in the paper is good for business and they love it. I was in the middle of acting like a teenaged girl in love and they flock in and I'm supposed to just drop Angel and give a spontaneous interview? What a pain in the ass."

Junhong rubbed Taeil's back, trying to soothe him. "What did you do?"

"I didn't have much choice."

Which also applied a few days later, when their flat was buzzed from the visitors' lobby. The voice that came through, meekly asking for Lee Taeil, was completely unfamiliar to both of them, and then she identified herself as Jeon Seoyun.

Taeil looked pained, but he still pressed the button to open the lobby door. He walked once around the public rooms of the flat, tidying nervously, then opened the door and waited. Junhong heard him talking quietly outside, then step back in with a young woman.

She was within an inch of Taeil's height and extremely slender, with short-cropped hair and wide eyes. Junhong recognized the features she shared with her sister, but everything came together more delicately in Seoyun, creating the impression of a fragile doll.

She was visibly nervous, her fingers fluttering to her hair, her mouth, or into the patch pockets of her dress. She stopped suddenly when she noticed Junhong. "I'm sorry to intrude. I see you have a guest."

"He lives here." Taeil was direct. "This is my boyfriend, Junhong. Junhong, this is Seoyun."

She hadn't come to Cats with Byun-ssi. Junhong offered a hand, shaking hers gently. She seemed the sort of woman who was easily frightened, hesitating even when she spoke. She sat when offered a chair, though, and accepted tea when Taeil brought it for everyone.

"I've wanted to talk to you for years." She said as if it was an admission of a crime she'd committed.

"I don't know why you would." Taeil deferred, though he kept his tone soft.

She still seemed taken aback, and stared into her tea for a while. Finally, she set the cup on the coffee table and managed to meet Taeil's eyes. "I thought you might understand some of the things I've been struggling with."

Neither Taeil nor Junhong said anything to answer that, but it didn't seem to matter. Having said that much, she seemed to find her purpose there, and continued.

"Jaewon likes to have everything perfect in his home. He knows where everything belongs and how everything works at all times..." She folded her napkin in half, creasing it carefully, so all sides matched up without any overlap. "He gets.....upset if things aren't as they should be, and his temper isn't as flexible as he might like it to be."

Taeil nodded faintly, duplicating the fold in his own napkin, though his eyes were solely on her hands. "I know."

"He has strict...rules." Seoyun looked at Taeil's napkin.

"No lights before six or after nine, beds made before curtains open, breakfast between six thirty and seven...?" Taeil nodded more noticeably. "...is that still right?"

Her eyes flicked up to meet his. "And don't touch anything unless he gives permission."

"And don't speak unless he asks your opinion?" Taeil shrugged. "I broke that one a lot."

"He said you stole from him." She sounded like she was forcing the words out.

"I did." Taeil admitted. "Food, a coat, a book, a bag, and money. But that's nothing. You took his son."

"My son." She faltered. "...I wouldn't even let myself say that our marriage was unhealthy. My sister, she told me I was being a terrible mother if I allowed Baehun to grow up like that. But, I'm afraid Jaewon will take him from me. He's a lawyer..."

"But he's sloppy. He loses his temper and things he'd rather keep hidden get out." Taeil argued. "You probably have more witnesses than you think. There might even be pictures."

She looked extremely nervous, clutching her napkin so tightly it was torn where it stretched between her little hands. "I know you stayed with him, but I've always wondered... Were you...?"

"We were together for almost three years." Taeil confirmed. 

She nodded. "Jaewon always said the rumors were lies, but I thought they might be true. There were so many signs. There were things he kept that didn't make sense. Like a jacket you were wearing in the pictures from the fishing boat, and a drawing of fish that matches a tattoo you have on your side..."

"I'm sorry." Taeil said softy.

"You shouldn't need to be." She replied. The look she gave him was kind; understanding.

"I still am."

Soon after, she left. Taeil saw her out, then quietly disappeared into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Junhong settled in with a book for his literature class and tried to read 'closely', the way his class was being taught.

Eventually, he noticed that there was no clinking of dishes, and looked to the clock to find that more than an hour had passed. He set the book aside and went to the kitchen, but stopped short when he saw Taeil leaning against the counter.

The lights were off, just enough of a glow filtering through the window to see clearly. The sink was still full of water, only part of the dishes in the rack to dry. Taeil had his shirt lifted slightly, so he could see the stylized fish tattooed along his lower ribs. 

Junhong didn't think he made any big moves, but Taeil suddenly looked up. He flinched and dropped his shirt back over the tattoo, looking like he'd been caught doing something wrong.

"Oh. I lost track of time." Taeil glanced out the window, then toward the sink. "Do you wanna watch something tonight?"

Junhong smiled softly, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around Taeil. He kissed Taeil's cheek. "Yeah, sounds great. But, are you feeling okay?"

Taeil was a bit too still, for a bit too long. He nodded, but Junhong thought the honest answer was 'no'. "TV or movie?"

"I still like all of your tattoos." Junhong hoped talking about it would make it less awkward and not upset Taeil.

It seemed to work. Taeil slid his hands up Junhong's sides, snuggling against him. "I'm sorry today was so..."

"It was okay." Junhong assured. He combed his fingers through Taeil's hair. "How about a movie? I'll finish washing these while you pick something."

Taeil shook his head. "Can we do both together? Just like this?"

Junhong laughed at the notion of getting anything done while snuggled together, but he tried anyway.


	5. "What's this?"

It was mostly the fact that Minhyuk was with Jihoon that convinced Junhong to let him stop by. His initial inclination was to refuse. They didn't need a different washer and drier. The set Taeil had was a bit old, but perfectly functional, if a user knew their quirks.

Moreover, he still believed that Jihoon was a miserable excuse for a friend, and he had yet to forgive him for attacking Taeil. However, he believed that Minhyuk could keep Jihoon in line, and he didn't want to come between Taeil and his friends. So, Jihoon and Minhyuk came after dinner on Wednesday, bearing a 'used' set that couldn't have been two years old, and Junhong helped them make the swap.

Afterward, they all sat in the living room together with spring water and fresh cut melon. Jihoon was uncharacteristically quiet, listening as Minhyuk talked about the club's new manager, Junhong answered questions about the dance studio, and Taeil explained the adaptations his troupe had made to Rent.

He couldn't stay quiet forever, though. During a lull in conversation, he leaned forward. "Jaewon has been in the news a lot this week."

"Yeah." Taeil nonchalantly agreed. "His wife came to visit us last week."

"How old do you think she is?" Jihoon asked.

"A little older than me." Taeil shrugged. "Why?"

"So she wasn't in highschool when they started dating." Jihoon scoffed. "I guess that's one good thing."

Taeil frowned. "Seriously, Jihoon? You want to get weird about age differences in relationships now? Because, there's more than six years difference between me and Junhong. If age differences are bad signs, I'm a creep."

"No, because Junhong is twenty." Jihoon reasoned. "...and he could beat you up."

"Pardon?" Taeil shook his head. Junhong knew he was glaring at Jihoon. He didn't bother trying to stop.

"Wait, that wasn't my point!" Jihoon defended. "I'm just saying that you were too young when you moved in with him."

Taeil rolled his eyes. "That isn't your call to make, and even if it was, it happened years ago."

Minhyuk chose to keep his mouth shut, but he looked directly at Junhong, shaking his head. Junhong could tell Taeil was getting frustrated and cleared his throat, sending a warning look to Jihoon.

Jihoon either missed the warning or ignored it. "Isn't it considered rape when an adult has sex with a teenager? And now his wife says he hits her... Did he hit you?"

Taeil's expression tightened, freezing into a mask of cold annoyance. His fingers clenched around a few inches of the hem of his shirt. "You seriously want to talk to me about abusive relationships, Jihoon? Because I figured that kind of thing went without saying where you and I are concerned."

Jihoon fidgeted. He looked simultaneously wounded and guilty. "I know I'm bad to you. Everyone knows that. But, you lived with this guy for three years and all he did was-"

"You have no idea, Jihoon!" Taeil snapped. "Don't talk shit about things you can't hope to know. I left my family, gave up any chance I ever had at being close to them, so I could be with someone I loved. So, don't assume I was just so young and stupid I gave everything away for nothing."

Junhong had his own theories about Jaewon and the way he treated Taeil, but he also agreed that Jihoon had no room to speculate. Junhong took Taeil's hand in his and rubbed his thumb over Taeil's knuckles soothingly. He looked meaningfully between Jihoon and the door.

Again, Jihoon chose to ignore the unspoken cues. "I don't understand why you lie about getting hurt..."

"And we don't understand why you have no self control." Minhyuk stood, taking his and Jihoon's bowls from the coffee table. "Whatever the reason, we've outstayed our welcome, now. Apologize to Taeil and Junhong, then let's go."

Jihoon shook his head, looking petulant. "Min! I'm right!"

"Good for you." Minhyuk waived a hand dismissively. "Don't lose a friend over it. Apologize, and let's go."

"I don't want an apology." Taeil muttered, staring at his hand in Junhong's. He didn't move, even to look up, until the door shut behind Minhyuk and Jihoon.

Junhong wasn't sure what to do with the silence. However much he was annoyed with Jihoon, he thought he was right about a couple things. Taeil still looked uncomfortable even with only Junhong there. Junhong tucked an arm around him. "Do you want to talk?"

Taeil shook his head. He blinked a few times, pulling a deep breath, then stood. Junhong watched him lock up and gather his bedclothes, then close himself in the bathroom. The shower started soon after and ran for more than half an hour.

All the dishes were done before Taeil left the bathroom. His mood didn't seem any better as he searched the refrigerator, his damp hair wild from toweling. Junhong dragged a hand up his back and ducked to brush a kiss against the side of his neck before getting ready for his own shower.

Afterward, he found the lights turned out in the entire flat, the faint exterior light a dull aura around Taeil where he sat in the windowsill behind the piano. His head was turned toward the city, eyes so unfocused that he didn't even turn when Junhong stopped by his elbow.

He let Junhong pry the tumbler from between his hands. There was little in it, but it smelled like Soju, and Junhong couldn't help wondering how much Taeil had drank. 

"What's this?" Junhong crouched next to Taeil, rubbing his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Taeil glanced at him. "I knew what I was doing... I did."

Junhong couldn't help being annoyed at Jaewon. Although he still had doubts, along with multiple questions of his own to ask about that relationship, he didn't push Taeil. At this point, he just wanted to end the day without further trouble. He hugged Taeil, resting his head against Taeil's shoulder. "I know."

He didn't, really, but just giving that much allowed Taeil to relax a bit. They left the glass and the last of Taeil's soju on the windowsill, and Junhong got them both comfortably in bed. Taeil held on to him, looking far away.

"Thank you." He whispered against Junhong's chest.

"For what?" Junhong toyed with Taeil's hair as he thought about the day's events.

Taeil held on to Junhong, pressing his cheek near Junhong's collar. His breath was all soju, but at least it's source wasn't a mystery. "...for being so good to me, even when I'm annoying..."

"You're not annoying." Junhong chuckled, smiling as he massaged down the back of Taeil's neck with one hand.

"...I am." Taeil quietly insisted. He mumbled something else, but it was impossible to understand, and he was asleep before he was done.

Junhong sighed softly, curling around Taeil more. He looked over Taeil's face; his thick eyelids, his small nose, the unusual but beautiful shape of his mouth. Junhong tried to figure out how Taeil had found Jaewon worth all of the trouble he put him through.

The same could be wondered about Jihoon, though that relationship made more sense, starting as it had with him being Taeil's best friend. But from what Junhong had heard, Jaewon didn't even have friendship on his side, and he'd done so much damage.

Junhong tried not to resent the tattoo he now knew was somehow significant to Jaewon. Eventually, he too managed to fall asleep.


	6. Disappointments

When Junhong's classes were over on Monday, he arrived at the studio to find the courtyard torn up, it's elegant young trees lying on their sides on the back of a truck, and a cement mixer steadily spinning its chamber on the street out front.

He stood staring at the dead trees for a few minutes, like a spectator at a murder scene, then wandered toward the courtyard. It was blocked off, the soil stripped out, with wooden pouring frames outlining where the new walkways would be.

Rather than trees and flowers, he passed the dumpster to enter through the rear doors. Even the back foyer was in a state of creative disorder. Plastic had been taped down and three ladders were placed around the space to allow painters to cover the summer gold with dark grey paint.

He skirted carefully through and continued down the hall, which was blissfully still the same rose hue, to the main dance studio. It hadn't escaped unscathed. The entire dance floor had been pulled up and temporarily covered with a massive vinyl mat.

An unfamiliar man was stretching by the mirror. He looked up when Junhong entered the room. "Didn't you get a call?"

Junhong stopped. He looked behind himself, but there was nobody there. "Ah... Me? No. Should I have?"

"Yes, you should." The man fetched a ledger book from a small table and crossed to where Junhong was. "I apologize for the shock of this news, but your dance company has been purchased. Each dancer will be asked to audition to retain their place in the company. What was your name?"

"Choi Junhong." He could already feel new stress piling up and he stepped forward slightly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh. Aren't you one of the new dancers?" The man looked uncomfortable. "All new dancers are being let go."

Junhong stared at him in disbelief before slumping slightly. He went to China! Shit happened when he was in China. His life seemed to be speeding down a cliff face faster every minute. "Oh..."

"He's one of the two included in auditions." An older man entered the room. "The two involved in the Beijing show aren't being dismissed."

"My mistake." The younger man admitted. He leafed through the pages of the ledger. "We'll set up an audition time then..."

Junhong felt like he'd made a narrow escape, but knew he would need to pull together impressive choreography. His first four auditions came to mind; bored talent scouts barely watching him. He worried that this might be the same.

When he reached the flat, he stopped short at the scene that awaited him. Seoyun was mixing batter in their largest mixing bowl while a tiny, round faced boy lay on his stomach on the floor, coloring with a woman in a ruffled red silk dress. It wasn't until the woman glanced up that he realized it was Taeil.

He'd seen Taeil in skirts and eyeliner, but this was entirely new. He had bronze shadow and false lashes, subtle shading to minimize the angle of his jaw, and red lipstick with gold flecks. Between that and the shaping of the dress, he genuinely looked like a girl.

"Hey..." His soft voice matched the costume without any alteration. "You're early, baby...?"

"Who dat?" Baehun slurred around a mouthful of sweets. "Is he you husband?"

Taeil raised his eyebrows at the question. Even they were thinned, waxed down, and covered with makeup so they looked perfectly feminine. "He's my boyfriend, Bae. His name is Junhong."

Baehun waved a pudgy, chocolate smeared hand. "Hi Joo-Hong!"

Junhong smiled, waving back. After discarding his shoes and hat, he crouched by Taeil and Baehun. He pressed a quick kiss to Taeil's cheek before looking back to Baehun. 

Looking at Bae made Junhong think, though. If he didn't marry a woman, he would never have children of his own. It turned out, in his own way, he was giving up family for Taeil, which hurt a bit since Taeil didn't even trust him enough to be completely honest.

As was often the case, Taeil obviously noticed the change in Junhong's mood. He was quiet as Junhong took his duffel to the laundry room, looking after him anxiously. Seoyun joined the group around the coloring book while something delicious smelling baked, and when the timer rang, Taeil took muffins from the oven and placed them on a rack to cool.

Seoyun and Baehun took half the muffins home, chattering sweetly as they gathered their things to leave. Taeil lingered by the door after they were gone, unpinning his shoulder-length wig and pulling it off. His short, flattened hair did little to reduce the impact of makeup and dress.

He only walked as far as the hallway. "...I should probably scrape off all this makeup and put on something different."

"Yeah, probably." Junhong grumbled.

Taeil nodded, awkwardly loosening the laces on the back of the dress as he retreated to the bedroom. He soon ducked into the bathroom, and eventually returned in a tee shirt and worn out jeans, looking far more masculine, aside from the lingering stain on his lips and around the far corners of his eyes.

He perched close to Junhong on the couch, his posture cautious. "Hey... We were testing costumes today... I mean, well... That was the prototype for my 'Angel' costume for Rent. I'm not going to dress like that normally."

"I'm not really worried about that." Junhong leaned closer and pressed his lips to Taeil's. He tried to relax, though he didn't have much success. "It's okay."

Taeil nodded, worming his fingers under the flap of fabric that covered the cargo pocket on Junhong's shorts. He was obviously still worried, but soon went to make dinner, leaving Junhong to work on his seemingly endless load of homework.

Twenty minutes later, Taeil brought noodles with spicy vegetables to the living room and placed one bowl near Junhong, though his scree of paperwork and books took up the rest of the couch. Taeil sat in a nearby chair, quietly eating. When they were both done, he reached for Junhong's bowl.

"Junhong...?" His tone was so nervous, it made Junhong feel unsettled. "...I'm sorry I had guests over without warning you."

Which sounded like something that would make Jaewon angry. Was he being grouped with Jaewon? Did that mean Taeil also thought he was like Jihoon? That didn't sit well. Junhong hadn't been directly annoyed with Taeil before, but he was now. "I'm fine. I just had a rough day."

"Oh... Do you wanna talk about it?" Taeil rubbed his shoulder and arm - something he seemed to do when he was afraid to get close. It was probably meant to be soothing, but seeing the context in which it was used, it was beginning to have the opposite effect.

Junhong sighed, trying not to look like he was mad at Taeil, even though he was really annoyed. He squeezed Taeil's hand and kissed the back of it before letting go. "It's fine. I really need to finish my homework."

Taeil watched him for a few minutes before taking the dishes to the sink and washing up. Afterward, he stopped nearby for a few minutes, then wandered once around the livingroom, aimless and fretful as a moth.

Finally, he sank in the chair between the fishtanks. Junhong couldn't quite ignore him there, but he kept his focus on his homework. He didn't let himself look toward Taeil at all, for the rest of the evening.


	7. "...a little warning before you go."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...because even great couples have hard times...

The next few days were entirely too long and busy. On Tuesday, Junhong took advantage of the dance rooms at the school after classes and before his shift at the laundromat, building a routine he hoped would demonstrate his strengths to the new owners of his dance company.

On Wednesday, he had a quick picnic lunch with Jongup after philosophy class, then hurried off to another extra shift at the laundromat. He and Taeil had been struggling to pay the bills the last two months, so every penny mattered.

He got home after midnight, so he wasn't surprised to find the flat dark. He closed the door and locked up quietly, creeping into the kitchen in his socks and peeking in the refrigerator. Taeil had left a wrapped sandwich for him, with a heart drawn on the parchment wrapping.

He stood looking at that for a few minutes by the glow of the small under-counter lights. Then he noticed movement in the corner of the living room. Squinting toward it, he recognized Taeil curled up in the chair between the fishtanks. He took a bite of the sandwich and walked toward Taeil.

"You're up late..." He was usually gone before seven in the morning. He would probably be exhausted at work.

"Yeah... I couldn't sleep." Taeil met him by the table, cautiously slipping his arms around Junhong's waist and leaning against him.

They hadn't had time to talk since Monday, but Junhong didn't think they could have a decent conversation after midnight, either. He combed his fingers through Taeil's hair and moved away from him, back to the kitchen to throw away the wrapper from his sandwich.

Taeil followed him from there to the bathroom, watching him wash his hands and face and brush his teeth. In the stark fluorescent light, Taeil looked frail and wary; like someone completely different from the man Junhong fell for.

He gathered the sides of his shirt in his hands. "Junhong... Could you...? Please, warn me before you give up on me? Just... ...a little warning before you go?"

He probably should have felt sympathetic, but Junhong felt so frustrated he sighed. He rinsed his toothbrush and dropped it into the rinse cup. "I'm not giving up, Taeil. I'm just busy; I'm not going anywhere. We haven't even been together six months. Why are you looking for problems?"

Taeil shook his head. "I don't have to look for them. I'm not completely stupid. Everything has come so fast for us, the end could, too. ...I can see that you're not happy anymore."

"I'm not happy? What about you?" Junhong's jaw tightened, and when he realized he tried to relax, though it didn't seem possible. At all. "You never talk about anything unless you're forced to! Even when you were beat up!"

Junhong nudged Taeil out of the doorway and closed the door. Taeil looked even more fragile, even more wounded, but he couldn't quite feel bad for saying what he had, since it was true. 

He shed his clothes on the floor and took a quick shower, still wanting to relax but just ending up stewing. When he finished dressing and left the bathroom, he stepped towards the living room. Even with the lights out and the outdoors offering no light, he could make out Taeil sitting silently in the windowsill again.

He didn't even want to know if there was a glass of soju in his hands. Junhong sighed and walked back to their bedroom, curling up under the covers and trying to fall asleep. He was still lying awake when Taeil finally came to bed.

Beyond irritated at the week, at Taeil, and at himself, Junhong pretended he was asleep. Taeil didn't smell like alcohol, at least. He slipped under the covers, careful not to tug or jostle the bed, and curled up behind Junhong.

For whatever reason, he didn't try to get close, but Junhong felt the slight tug on his tee shirt that usually meant Taeil was holding on to the fabric at his back. He kept his breathing slow and deep; lying still. Quiet as their room always was, it was impossible to misinterpret the stuttering of Taeil's breath.

Taeil had only cried in front of him once, under the influence of anesthesia. Junhong wanted to roll over and hug him, but he also wanted to shake some sense into him, so he held still, pretending to sleep until he didn't have to pretend anymore.

In the morning, he discovered that he'd rolled over anyway, at some point. He opened his eyes and Taeil was just inches away. In sleep, his face was perfectly relaxed. The pressure of the pillow under his cheek held his mouth slightly open, lending it the shape of a doll's mouth. He looked sweet, and significantly younger than his years.

Junhong didn't move; he just watched Taeil sleep. He could still remember the first time he saw him in person, almost eight months prior. Taeil had been looking at the sky, his eyes hidden by a pair of huge yellow sunglasses that Junhong hadn't seen all summer. He'd seemed impossibly tough then, and Junhong had been desperate to impress him.

Taeil had recently confessed to early attraction. Junhong felt it, too. Even at the zoo, an unusual chemistry had flowed between them. But, the events of the last month seemed to prove that chemistry was not enough. There had been ample warnings of Taeil's frustrating emotional quirks at the beginning, too.

He was pondering the pros and cons of their relationship when Taeil inhaled unevenly, and his eyelids fluttered open. Watching him, Junhong could see the exact moment that he recognized where he was, as his guard came down like a tangible shield, closing off any natural expression.

That was all it took to send Junhong out of the bed. He dressed quickly and left the room, dropped two slices of bread in the toaster, and considered his options for getting out of the house. He still hadn't been able to meet with Himchan, so he sent a text while the bread was toasting. He had breakfast and an answer from Himchan before he heard anything from the bedroom, so he left without saying -or writing- a word.

Himchan was delighted to see him. He had a new haircut, which leant his face an attractive severity, though Junhong had always thought Himchan was good looking. Jongup was toweling his freshly bleached hair when Junhong arrived, and went with them to the ice cream parlor.

"New year, same kids, more or less." Himchan groused amicably as they settled around a table with their treats. "Ignorant in the extreme, all of them."

"He talks about one of the girls like he wants to adopt her." Jongup declared, looking like he had no idea he was undermining Himchan's complaints.

"Do I, really?" Himchan laughed. He hugged Jongup from behind, tucking his chin over Jongup's still-damp, milk-colored hair. He fixed his eyes on Junhong, thinning them slightly. "You look worn out. What's going on?"

Junhong sighed. "Taeil and I are having some problems. I don't know, it's like he refuses to tell me the truth or really even talk to me anymore." He really didn't like to complain about things to people, but he trusted Himchan and Jongup and thought they might understand.

Himchan and Jongup looked at each other. Jongup didn't say a word, but Himchan nodded as if he had. "Yeah, my thoughts, exactly. We should all go see Yongguk."

They got a takeaway drink for Yongguk and Himchan drove to his office. He was one of only four people at desks, and seemed all too happy to welcome the small gathering to his cubicle. Junhong would have preferred if there was a door, but for lack of one, he kept his volume down.

Junhong attempted to summarize while including important details. He had no idea where to begin. However much he wanted to just say 'it all began with man named Pyo Jihoon', it wasn't exactly true. Though, it kinda worked... "So, when I went to Beijing for the studio, apparently, Jihoon attacked Taeil. He was drunk but... Really? And Taeil didn't even tell me, he just started acting kinda weird and clingy and distant at the same time, you know? But, Jihoon did, eventually, so I told him to stay away for a while."

"Then, the next time I let him come over, Jihoon made a comment about Jaewon that upset Taeil a lot. They left but Taeil stayed upset. He started drinking, and I tried to comfort him, I don't know how well that worked out. Anyway, so, since then, he's been getting more and more distant and guarded. He acts like I'm going to hit him all the time or something, when I'm not even mad at him. I swear he thinks I'm going to act like Jaewon. And that hurts. I don't think I act like Jaewon. So, he's been saying things like, don't give up on me or warn me if you're giving up on me, but it feels like he's giving up..."

Yongguk nodded. Junhong knew he was rambling and he doubted he was making any sense, but all three of his friends were listening intently. "The worst thing is probably that he's like this but at the same time, he doesn't tell me anything important. I have to guess, and I can't, because I don't have enough information!"

Yongguk had leaned his chin on his folded hands, giving Junhong the look he usually reserved for Daehyun when he was acting out. He probably didn't realize how brutal it looked. Or maybe he did. "And this has been going on for a month?"

"Ah.... Yeah, almost." Junhong slumped. He could see Himchan gesturing in his peripheral vision, beckoning Yongguk to say more.

Closer at hand, Jongup gave an encouraging smile. Yongguk sighed. "You know, you aren't the best at communicating, either. Does Taeil know how much you struggle with your classes? Because, I bet that's part of why this is coming to a head right now. Does he know how guilty you feel about the money you owe your parents, that you still can't pay back?"

Except, Junhong was sure none of that had anything to do with his problems with Taeil. "Uh.... No? How does that apply to this? I'm kinda lost."

Yongguk shook his head. "I'm saying communication isn't easy for anyone."

"He'd know." Himchan quietly agreed. "He manages a pabo and a psychopath..."

Jongup smiled at Himchan. He nudged Junhong's knees with his thigh, sitting down next to him. "You should try talking to Taeil the way you talk to Yongguk. Maybe he'll talk more after you do?"

Which was probably good advice, but Junhong didn't know if it would work. He'd unloaded on Taeil before, and it never led to Taeil confiding. He was more likely to try to solve Junhong's problems.

Even so, he thanked his friends for the talk. Himchan had the whole day off for 'planning', but he drove Jongup to afternoon classes. Junhong decided to skip the day. He doubted he would learn anything even if he was present, since his mind was sure to be elsewhere.

He walked back to the flat, but couldn't bring himself to go inside. Not yet. Instead, he took his skateboard from the boot of Taeil's car, where it had been since July, and he walked to the nearest park with anything resembling a halfpipe. In this case, it was the rounded underpass of a footbridge, but it was good enough.

Even with his mind muddled, his body kept moving. He toyed with his skateboard until he started making stupid mistakes, then tucked it under his arm and walked the entire footpath. It was peaceful under the trees, and cool in the shade. He didn't go home until the shadows were long and his stomach upset from going so many hours without a proper meal.

The lights were still lit, the television droning on, and the piano tray standing open. Taeil was curled up in the chair between the fishtanks again, dressed casually, asleep. Junhong stood watching him for a few minutes, still sorting out his thoughts. He honestly couldn't think of a thing he wanted to say to him, so he let Taeil sleep.


	8. "I'll sleep on the couch"

Just like the previous night, Junhong found a sandwich in the refrigerator, wrapped in parchment. This time, the parchment was unmarked. Junhong realized that he hadn't drank anything all day, so he took a bottle of juice as well, frowning at the clink of glass on metal as it tapped against another container.

Taeil made a noise from the living room, and Junhong saw him stretch and rub the back of his neck. He stood, carefully, and wandered toward the kitchen. He looked like he expected the worst. 

Junhong wondered how they reached such an ugly place so quickly, but he couldn't get past the feeling that he was being made into the villain. Taeil's hands were clenched in the sides of his shirt (another borrow from Junhong's things), but that had become nearly constant.

It was that thought that made Junhong push back his own feelings and offer a hug. Taeil fit himself into the space he was offered, holding on tight and pulling a stuttering breath. "I was so... I love you so much. Does that even show? I do." He didn't ask where Junhong had been all day.

Trying not to think about that or any of the other things that were frustrating him, Junhong nodded. He brushed his fingers through Taeil's hair, but couldn't quite manage to look him in the eyes. He kissed him instead.

It had been a long time since Taeil kissed him so desperately. Junhong went with it, thinking vaguely of the past, when they were new to loving each other and Taeil was mostly concerned with the danger Junhong faced by just falling in love.

He slid his hands down Taeil's back, fitting them over his bottom, but Taeil's reaction was all wrong. He sounded like he was still on the verge of tears, and he looked both frightened and desperate.

Junhong let go of him. He shook his head and turned back to where his food was waiting on the counter. Taeil watched him, not moving, looking even more fearful.

"Why do you look scared?" Junhong had wondered this often recently, and couldn't hold it in any longer. "If you're scared, why even kiss me?"

Taeil shook his head. "...I don't know."

"You don't know or you won't say?" The sandwich didn't look appetizing anymore, but Junhong took a bite anyway, knowing he needed food.

"I don't know." Taeil repeated. He looked like he wanted to touch Junhong, to move closer, but he held back. He was beginning to tremble. "I'm not afraid of you. Just... I'm not completely sure what I did, and I don't know what to do to fix this... ...but I''m so scared that I've already lost you, and you're just not admitting it yet."

Junhong sighed. He picked up his juice and gestured toward the living room. "Come talk to me."

They sat together on the couch and Junhong gave Taeil as long as it took to finish his sandwich. When that didn't work, he drank the juice and tried to do what Jongup suggested.

"You want to know what you did? You lie, all the time, either blatantly or by omission. Not just what happened with Jihoon, though that was probably the worst, but everything. I have to try to figure everything out by other means because all I know about Jaewon is that he's a creep, and he was abusive, but out of some backward sense of pride you won't admit it. You still don't talk about getting beat up, though you know I know it's happened at least three times. I don't even know about your family, except that you say you gave them up when you moved in with the jerk but your mom was at the hospital, even if she wasn't very nice."

Taeil hugged his leg close to his chest. "What do you want me to say...?"

"Something! Ideally, something clear and honest!" Junhong gestured abruptly and Taeil flinched, and that only made him more aggravated. "And that! Do you think I'm going to hit you? If you do, why do you want to stay with me? It makes me think you want to be the one being left. You stayed with that asshole until he left you, kept doing things with your spoiled 'friend' until he cost you your job... I don't think you try to 'fix' anything! You barely even talk to the police! All I can figure is that you like being the victim, somewhere deep down, and that idea makes me kinda angry."

Taeil flinched again. He shook his head, staring blankly at their knees. "No... I don't."

"You don't what?" Junhong gestured, more controlled than before, so he wouldn't have to watch Taeil flinch again. "Talk. Am I right or wrong. Because 'no' isn't enough of an answer for everything I said, and I'm having a hard time keeping hope. I still don't want to give up. If you would just put a little effort into it, I believe we can work this out..."

Taeil made a little choked sound. He inhaled, pressed his knuckles to his mouth and exhaled. He hadn't stopped trembling, his other hand clinging the side of his shirt, and usually Junhong would comfort Taeil. But why did Taeil always have to be the helpless one? Why couldn't he grow up a bit?

And Junhong realized that Taeil had been right, all those months ago. He honestly wished that the man would act his age, just for a while. He couldn't even force himself to touch him just then, so he took the empty juice bottle to the kitchen and headed toward the bathroom.

In the shower, he tried to gather his thoughts. He'd said so much, but had it made sense? Did he even express what he needed to say? He wanted Taeil to put effort into keeping what they had - to prove that it mattered to him more than the dysfunctional relationships in his past. He decided he'd said enough. Simple honesty from Taeil would be a great start.

But, when he returned to the living room, he found Taeil watching the fish. He'd stopped shaking, but instead he was shuttered, held tight, like he was on guard again and restraining himself, the way he had in the beginning of the year, when he was trying not to get involved.

"I'll sleep on the couch tonight." Junhong heard the anger in his own voice, even though he wasn't sure he could feel anything anymore; not that day.

Taeil didn't even look up. "No, take the bed. You're too big for the couch."

"It's your bed, not mine." Junhong protested.

"Just take the goddamned bed, Junhong." Taeil said softly, and Junhong knew his tone all too well. He wasn't angry. He was choking on misery.


	9. "Please be here when I come home."

It was a terrible night's sleep. Even as tired as he was, Junhong couldn't make himself relax enough to truly rest. He kept tossing and turning, and woke up reaching across the empty side of the mattress where Taeil should be.

He could hear Taeil moving around the livingroom, even though he was obviously trying to be quiet. Junhong slid out of bed, following the sounds to the foyer, where Taeil was lacing up his shoes.

Taeil glanced up at him. He looked as tired as Junhong felt, with shadows under his eyes, and his entire posture suggested defeat. He looked back down at his feet and finished tying his shoelaces, picked up his bag and turned to the door. Somehow, that hurt as much or more than anything else had. 

"I wish you would fight for this." Junhong said as gently as he could.

"I don't know how. Do you honestly think that means I don't care?" Taeil turned back toward Junhong, glancing at the clock. "Please be here when I come home. ...Please."

Junhong sighed. He nodded. "Yeah, okay."

He decided that the implosion of his personal life was a good enough reason to miss two days of classes. Taeil nodded, still looking miserable and raw as he slipped out the door.

Knowing he had no chance of getting more sleep, Junhong decided to get himself moving. He gave the flat a quick cleanup while his rice cooked, picking up the little debris he and Taeil had allowed to accumulate over the week. It was mostly bits of paper from his notebooks, anyway.

The couch couldn't have been slept on. The pillows were all fluffy and orderly, and the blanket that they kept draped over the back still showed where they had sat to talk the night before.

On a hunch, he walked to the chair between the fishtanks. It's cushions looked crushed, and it smelled like Taeil. Junhong sat down, resting his head on his arms and inhaling deeply. He thought of Taeil shaking him awake at the opera house. He'd seemed so angry then, all because he was worried about Junhong's future...

After breakfast, he unlocked the wheels on the furniture and pushed everything back to the wall, clearing the floor for dance. The surface wasn't perfect; there were gaps and uneven planks in the old hardwood, but it was good enough. He worked through a few songs, testing combinations, and figured out where he'd made mistakes in the spring.

While he ate lunch, he made notes. He could splice three songs together and work in everything he'd learned at the Beijing show, but that still left him feeling mediocre. He had no idea what the new company would be looking for.

He was wracking his brain when the buzzer sounded from the public entrance. He went to the foyer and pressed the intercom button. "Yeah? 5e?"

"I'm looking for Lee Taeil." A vaguely familiar voice crackled through the old fashioned speakers. "This is detective Park."

"I'm sorry, he's working." Junhong worried that they never managed to meet. "Can I help you?"

"Depends on who you are." The detective sounded patient, even without being formal or using honorifics.

"Choi Junhong." He thought he probably should have said so before. "Sorry."

"Would it be possible for me to come upstairs?" Which happened all the time in television shows, but seemed odd in real life. Junhong looked at the livingroom. It looked acceptable, even pushed back, as it was.

"Sure. I'll open the door." He pressed the button that unlocked the front foyer and watched the light flash that indicated it was open. The detective walked with a heavy step. Junhong heard him on the last flight of stairs and opened the door, waiting.

He was a thick-bodied man, dressed simply in jeans and a polo, but he showed his badge even before shaking Junhong's hand. "Good afternoon. Do you mind if we talk inside?"

"Ah, yeah, come in." Junhong gestured as he stepped backwards, into the apartment. 

Once the door was closed, detective Park didn't wait to be seated. He started talking right there, in the foyer. "I don't know how familiar you are with cases like the assault that happened in April, but going this long without any strong leads hasn't been unusual, especially in a case where the motive is impersonal. The hard truth is that after this long, there is almost no chance that we can catch the perpetrators."

"Oh..." Junhong nodded slowly. He wanted there to at least be closure on this one thing, but it seemed that wouldn't be happening either. He couldn't help but wonder if Taeil was even trying to help with the investigation. "I see."

"I know that you're Lee-ssi's partner. He made it clear that you should have access to any information I find, and said that you could be his representative." Detective Park didn't seem bothered by this. He fixed a severe look on Junhong. "Do you know if he wants to continue pursuing this? To be completely honest with you, I'd like to close the case. He and I have talked through his memories of the assault repeatedly. We've looked through thirty-one lineups over the last four months, without a single match, and I can see it taking its toll on him."

At least now he knew Taeil was trying. At this point, it would make sense to close the case and Junhong himself wasn't oblivious to how it affected Taeil. Junhong sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "Yeah, that makes sense. I don't think he wants to continue either."

"He'll need to stop at the station to wrap up, of course." He looked like he wanted a cigarette. He kept fidgeting with a carton in his pocket. "Do you mind if I make a suggestion and trust you to convince your partner?"

"No, go ahead." Junhong nodded again. He wasn't sure how great his 'convincing' skills were with Taeil at this point, but he figured he would try since it seemed important.

"He should enroll in self defense classes as soon as possible and keep to safe areas. Criminals usually profile, and Taeil is unfortunately easy to read. Tattoos and motorcycle notwithstanding, he looks weak." Giving up on any form of subtlety, the detective took the carton from his pocket and tapped it against his palm. "It's more than just his size. His body language is a big red flag. I hate to admit it, but most of the guys at the station call him 'eolin sonyeo', and we're cops..."

"Ah, I see." Although Junhong didn't really like the nickname, he could see why others would find it fitting. Junhong bowed. "I'll try to convince him. Thank you for the advice."

"Thank you." Detective Park stopped with his hand on the doorknob. "...and thank him for me, too. The statement he gave regarding the Jeon case was very helpful, and couldn't have been easy to talk about." He bowed very slightly. "Good afternoon."

Junhong bowed again. "I will, good afternoon." Junhong closed the door with a soft sigh. He hated the idea of whoever hurt Taeil not being caught, but the case wasn't helping anything anyway. 

Junhong ran through a couple more short practices before fetching a water bottle from the fridge. He returned the furniture to their respective locations, locking the wheels back into place and sat down on the couch. 

He still felt jittery, nervous about almost every aspect of his future, but his lack of sleep was taking its toll. He slumped into the cushions and tried to think about everything he should say to Taeil when he got home.

He was asleep in minutes.


	10. "My life..."

He woke to the sound of the key in the door. Taeil let himself in quietly, casting a worried glance around before toeing off his shoes and crossing to the couch. The corners of his eyes were still smudged with kohl residue and flecks of glitter remained in the creases of his eyelids.

His hands went to the sides of his shirt even before he sat down, fingers twisting in the fabric beside his hips. The couch barely dipped when he perched on the edge of the seat. "Hey..."

"Hey." Junhong wiped the sleep from his eyes and sat up a bit straighter. His mind raced back to detective Park; what he said about Taeil trying so hard and what the other officers called Taeil. 

Junhong looked Taeil over. Although he looked like he was completely focused on Junhong, there was still an edge of simultaneous caution and hopefulness. Junhong sighed softly, tugging Taeil closer.

He moved with the pull, crawling into Junhong's lap and leaning his head against his shoulder, shifting his grip to Junhong's shirt. "I'm glad you're here..."

In that moment Junhong realized, Taeil may not fight, but he would always hold on. Junhong slipped his arms around Taeil and held him close, smiling softly.

He figured now would be as good a time as ever to tell Taeil about the detective's visit. "Oh, detective Park stopped by while you were at work. He said he would like to close the case if you would and that you should stop by the station to wrap up the paperwork. I'll go too if you want."

Taeil mumbled against his shoulder. "You don't have to come with me. I know you're tired of me acting like a baby."

Junhong sighed and rolled his head back so it rested against the back of the couch. He gestured, letting his arms fall to his sides. "I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to go. Detective Park told me how the other officers treat you..."

Taeil straightened up, putting a little space between them and folding his arms. There was his guard again, making his mouth tight and his eyes distant. "Oh."

"You're doing it again." Junhong brought his head back up to look Taeil in the eyes. "What are you hiding right now? Why do you put up a guard against me?"

Taeil looked like he was giving actual thought to that. He gnawed his bottom lip. "I don't mean to. I'm just trying to act like the adult I'm supposed to be. But... But I can tell you don't like this either... Anyway... I'm not worried about asses who say stupid things, Junhong. You might be new to that, but I'm not... Being called a girl is nothing."

"I know it would bother me... And honestly I don't know what you've been through so I have to try to guess what would upset you. It turns out I'm not so great at that." Junhong wrapped his arms around Taeil's back again, frowning. "I really wish you would just tell me how you feel or what you think is important. It's not like I'm going to stop loving you if you tell me about your past or what upsets you. It's actually a lot harder when I don't know things."

Taeil closed his eyes, keeping his arms folded between them. "Junhong... I've been thinking about this. And, I told myself I'd be okay no matter what happens today, but that was bullshit. I'm scared. Because... I'm really not what you need, am I? If you're honest with yourself, do I even have a chance to last with you?"

"And- don't think I don't want to. It's not that I want to be a victim, and I know I'm usually the cause of my own problems. But..." He looked away, blinking rapidly, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "Being with me means giving up a real family. You figured that out. I saw it hit you. I can only give myself to you, and I know that's not a good trade. I love you so much, but my life... I wish I could rewrite it, Junhong. I hate it, and I can't imagine you'd get anything from hearing about it except a healthy amount of disdain for me."

"I'm sure I won't disdain you. I love you, really. I just want to try to understand you." Junhong kissed Taeil's cheek, bringing his hands to his shoulders. "And really... The family thing wasn't that big of a deal, I was just really stressed so it seemed worse at the time."

"We'll see..." Taeil mumbled. He took a deep breath. "Okay.... I don't really like to talk about things I can never change, but... Okay. It all starts with Jae, doesn't it? I mean, unless you want to hear about me being a weird kid and being hated at school, or about how much I used to like wearing my sister's clothes..."

"I'd really just like honesty about past relationships that made you so guarded and wary..." Junhong smiled slightly. "But, did you really wear your sister's clothes?"

Taeil stared at him, pursing his lips. "It seemed kinda unfair that girls had skirts and guys only had pants and shorts. I bet that shocks you. So, yeah. I stole a few skirts. But... Okay. I guess it does start with Jae, huh? That was where I probably screwed up the worst, making such a big choice at seventeen. I barely even understood what I wanted and I cut myself off from any kind of help by moving in with him."

Junhong nodded slowly as he listened. "Ah, right."

Taeil frowned, staring blindly at the center of Junhong's chest. "You were right, though. I waited for him to leave me, even though he treated me like something he owned, and he hit me...and worse. After I moved in, he was all I had. I talked to a lady at a shelter once, pretending I was concerned about a friend... I'm sure she saw right through me, but she still said that if 'my friend' was dumb enough to let a guy screw him, he deserved whatever else he got."

Junhong already had no idea what to say. He tucked Taeil closer, rubbing his upper back. "Oh my god... Wow."

"But that was a long time ago. I hope I've grown at least a little bit..." Taeil shifted, turning so his legs were over Junhong's but he was sitting close beside him rather than in his lap. "Anyway... My family told me when I moved out that they didn't approve of my choices. My nuna still talks to me, though not very often. My mom only shows up when I'm in the hospital, and she doesn't stay if I talk to her. My dad... I haven't seen or heard from him in eight years, along with my little brother."

"Aw, that's terrible..." Junhong knew that he would be upset if his family did that to him. Though it explained why Junhong hadn't seen Taeil's family at any of his shows - or any other event, aside from the one visit to the hospital.

"....I'm used to it, now." Taeil shrugged, though he didn't look especially convincing. "We were always the kind of family where everyone did their own thing.... But, um... Was there anything else?"

"Well, I'd still like to know a bit more about the other two times you were attacked... I still don't know much about those." Junhong thought about the things he'd been wanting to ask for the last couple of weeks as reference. The only other thing he could think of was the obvious; Jihoon.

"Oh." It obviously wasn't a topic Taeil wanted to explore. He nodded slowly, possibly buying himself time to think. "Okay. Um... I know Jihoon said some things... But, okay. I was, um, twenty, the first time. I'd moved into this place where people could stay if they couldn't get an apartment, but it wasn't in a very nice area, so..."

He stopped, took a deep breath, and cleared his throat. "I actually don't remember any of it. Not like normal memories, anyway. It's blurry and mixed up like a bad dream. But, I didn't wake up for nine days, and I was in the hospital for three weeks after that. Minhyuk moved me into his tiny apartment when I was discharged, because I couldn't even hold a glass or button my own clothes. My hands shook for months, even with physical therapy."

Junhong tilted his head slightly, pulling Taeil into a hug. When he leaned back a bit to look at Taeil, he took his hands. He lifted them, one at a time, to kiss Taeil's knuckles.

"The second time, I was just stupid and asked for trouble. It was about four years ago, and I was out late, drinking, and decided to walk home alone..." He leaned his head against Junhong's shoulder, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "I remember it. It's clear still, like this afternoon. The one guy kept calling me 'sweet cheeks'. He had this big voice, like Jihoon, but he was a sweaty fat guy. Ugh. Anyway. We were right out in the open, so they were quick and I was lucky."

"Ah... Jihoon told me Seoyun found you the next day." Junhong held Taeil against himself, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as he processed. "Thank you for telling me. Ah... Can we talk about Jihoon?"

"I figured we would." Taeil muttered. "Is this something where you want me to just volunteer crap, or do you wanna ask questions and I'll answer them? Because... I have no idea where to start. There's just too much."

"Ah... I guess I'll ask questions." Junhong's mind immediately offered questions along the lines of, 'how exactly does he count as a friend?', though he chose not to ask them. "Well, to start off, why was Jihoon alone with you? We all know there are lingering feelings. Jihoon never hides it. But you had him over, alone, and you almost had sex. Then you didn't tell me anything, Jihoon did."

"God. It sounds awful when you say it like that." Taeil actually cringed, his shoulders tucking forward. "It wasn't like I called him up and said, 'drink a few bottles of schnapps and come hang out, maybe we can fuck'. He just... He showed up, and I thought maybe he was too wasted to drive home."

Junhong raised an eyebrow, smiling. He missed hearing Taeil talk like this, even if not exactly in those words. He returned to the topic at hand and his smile abruptly faded. "It was awful. He left bruises on your thighs, Taeil. Hand-shaped bruises. It would be almost impossible to guess that the guy who made such a big scene after just being elbowed and the guy who attacked you were the same person. Unless you knew it was Jihoon, that is. But really, exactly how far did things go?"

"...And then, he never saw his best friend again." Taeil said airily, as if narrating. He clambered off the couch and walked to the kitchen, pausing before he would be out of sight. "You already hate him. We both know that."

Junhong watched Taeil. He was evading questions again. "Yeah, but he said he 'almost forced himself on' you. He said it made him think he's probably hurt you many times in the past. I kinda agree with him on that one, but what does that mean?" 

"It means he's not totally oblivious to his flaws." The refrigerator opened and closed, and Taeil returned to the livingroom with a carton of melon milk. He bypassed the couch and perched in the windowsill instead, his skin washed gold by the evening sunlight. "I really don't want you to ask me to decide between loving you and being his friend, because I can do both. You've been around Jihoon when he's his normal self. He's... Lovable. He cares. He's usually painfully honest! He just has a unique way of seeing things."

"That's not what I'm asking, Taeil." Junhong crossed his arms. "And I'm not making you choose between me and Jihoon, I know that would be unfair. All I'm asking is; what happened?"

Taeil pulled his feet up onto the limestone sash and looped his arms around his knees. He scuffed his palm against the creases at the inner knee of his pants. "...okay. He showed up here when I was getting ready to go to bed. I opened the door to talk to him and he kinda...came in without asking? Then we were talking about whether he needed a ride home and he started asking weird questions, like why I never stayed over anymore, and I knew that was a bad sign but... I didn't think he was gone enough to try to push me?"

He let his head drop back, thumping it against the bricks and staring at the top of the window frame. "He kissed me and held me down, and he was trying to get our clothes off and I freaked out. I cried like a baby and he let go and I....kinda scrambled to the bathroom and had a fucking meltdown on the floor screaming at him to go home while he tried to apologize."

It wasn't funny, but the way Taeil described it made it hard for Junhong not to laugh. At least Jihoon tried to apologize, Junhong supposed. He smiled instead. "Thank you for your honesty. In the future, it might be better to just explain than to let me assume the worst for a few weeks."

"Jeez." Taeil sighed; he turned and held out one arm toward Junhong. "Could you come here please? It's more comfortable than you'd think."

Junhong's smile widened and he stood from the couch. He joined Taeil at the window, sitting next to him and wrapping his arms around him. "This windowsill is made of stone."

"Yeah, I know." Taeil leaned against Junhong. "What were you assuming?"

"Ah..." Junhong ducked his head against Taeil's shoulder. "Honestly, I thought you two actually had sex but you were drunk so you didn't want to tell me. Plus I've been really stressed out with school and issues with the dance studio, I didn't exactly have a clear mind... I keep wondering if I'm taking on too much and I'm trying to figure out if going part time student would be smart at this point, or a failure."

Taeil stared at him, silent. He made a face that Junhong hadn't seen since early in the mentorship program, one he'd always assumed meant Taeil thought he was a talentless idiot. Then he took off his glasses and pretended he might stab his own eyes. "No. Just no. ...Business first: You're already ahead, academically. If you ease off this semester it should be okay. You have more than half of your credit hours already..."

Though, Junhong never told him that. He must have somehow looked it up. "Now, if I get kept by the new dance company, I'll be good."

"Huh?" Taeil set his glasses aside. He nudged Junhong's head. "What new studio? Wait... Is this why you came home early Monday? Jesus, Junhong! I thought you were grossed out that I was in drag."

Junhong laughed. "Yes! How dare you wear girls' clothes?!" He raised his head to kiss Taeil. "But yeah, the dance studio was bought out by a bigger company so I have to audition again."

"Well, unless the new studio is stupid, they'll keep you." Taeil declared, sounding both confident and informed. "In entertainment, talent trumps tenure, and you're really good. Though, if you want, I'll look up the acts they already front so you can tailor your audition to impress them."

"I hadn't thought of that." Junhong rested his cheek on the top of Taeil's head. "That's a good idea."

Taeil laced their fingers together. "I wish I hadn't screwed up the opera thing... I made so much money, you could quit your old job and we'd be fine. The troupe really doesn't pay enough... Maybe I should be trying to get a better job?"

Junhong shrugged. "Or we could just charge Jihoon royalties for the pain and suffering he leaves in his wake."

There wasn't much joy in Taeil's small huff of laughter. He gestured, vaguely. "He'd give me anything I asked for. Seriously. Please try to forgive Jihoon. I think you'd like each other if my ass wasn't involved... ...Which brings me to the unprofessional part. I wouldn't want to have sex with him, even if I was drunk. The ugly truth is that I kept imagining it was you the last time he and I had sex - way back in March - and then it still wasn't good enough. I only want you."

Junhong sat blinking at Taeil for a minute. Then he smiled, wrapping his arms around Taeil and briefly pressing his lips to Taeil's. "Well, that's good to know." He shook his head. "We should've talked about everything sooner. I'm sorry."

Taeil held on, crawling his fingers up Junhong's biceps. "Me too. I love you so much... You're like nobody else I've ever known. ...you've been everything I've ever wanted, right from the beginning."

Junhong rubbed Taeil's back, working from his neck to his bottom. He felt silly for letting himself get so worked up before doing anything to resolve the problem. He and Taeil could make it; all they needed was to work together. He slid his hands lower, and Taeil fitted their bodies tighter together, lifting his head for a kiss.

"Maybe we should go to bed...?" Junhong felt a bit awkward going for sex after the week they'd endured.

Taeil obviously didn't. He pushed his hips against Junhong's, holding on to his side and the back of his neck. "I'm okay with right here."

"Ah..." Junhong glanced out the window. It was the fifth floor, but that didn't guarantee privacy. Plus, "the lube is in the bedroom."

"I have coconut oil two feet away." Taeil gestured toward the nearest side-table. He hooked a leg around Junhong; kissed the side of his neck. "If you really want, we can go to the bedroom... ...but I've never, ever, done this before...and I really want to, if you're okay with it."

As if he could say no to that. Especially with Taeil rubbing against him, talking against his throat, his breath ticklish and provocative. He slid his hands under the hem of Taeil's shirt, pushing it up and off. "Coconut oil?"

"It works." Taeil promised.

Junhong gave him a long look, then fetched the container of oil. He set it at the far end of the windowsill and returned his attention to Taeil. His skin was thick and soft under Junhong's hands.

It felt like ages since they were intimate. Junhong brushed his lips across Taeil's neck, kissing down the center of his chest to his stomach. His pants had an asymmetrical closure that bared his hip first. Junhong opened them and kissed down the jut of his hipbone, lingering there to suck just enough to tingle without marking.

He had a moment's hesitation about peeling away Taeil's pants in front of an uncovered window, but it had been Taeil's idea in the first place, so he tugged the fabric down, leaving Taeil naked. The warm light made his skin look even more inviting, all golden and almost glowing.

Junhong was in no rush to take any of his own clothes off. He leaned over Taeil, kissing along his strong cheekbones, his jaw, below his ear, and across his shoulder. He dragged his hands down Taeil's sides, still so slim, almost four months after the attack that crushed his windpipe and made him refuse to eat.

He slid one hand along Taeil's thigh, smiling when Taeil lifted it a little. He bent to kiss above Taeil's knee, up the front of his thigh and inward, when he pressed open-mouthed kisses to the tender inside of Taeil's thigh. Taeil made a soft, muffled sound and shivered, biting his lip as he watched.

And that was hotter than it should have been. Junhong pulled his shirt over his head and off, dropping it on the floor. Teasing Taeil was a test of his own self control. He adjusted his pants, opening the fly and pressing against his dick for a moment, just to reduce the ache a little.

Taeil smiled, catching that small movement. "Eager, baby?"

"I can wait." He went back to kissing the inside of Taeil's thigh.

They generally tried not to leave marks on each other. Both were 'out' at work and didn't think it wise to push their sexuality in the professional arena, but Taeil's skin was sensitive and Junhong noticed he was leaving little pinpricks of red and purple. He hoped Taeil wouldn't mind, since they were somewhere easily hidden.

He lingered a few minutes mouthing kisses against the inside of Taeil's knee before ducking into the softest part of his hip and over to his dick. He closed his mouth over the head and Taeil moaned, combing shaky fingers through Junhong's hair.

Blowjobs had become one of Junhong's favorite things, no matter whether he was giving or receiving. He rubbed his tongue against the sensitive spot beneath the head and Taeil shuddered, gasping, pushing his hips forward just a little.

Junhong took him deeper, wrapping his hand around the base of Taeil's dick and sucking gently as he pulled away. He reached across to open the container of oil and dipped his fingers in it, slicking his grip so he could pump at the same time as sucking.

He had to admit, the coconut oil tasted a lot better than any lube they'd ever used. He licked up the underside of Taeil's dick before taking it in his mouth again, carefully scraping just a little with the flat part of his teeth across the slightly less-sensitive skin at the front of Taeil's dick.

Taeil was already panting, shifting restlessly, holding on to the edge of the windowsill. Junhong oiled the fingers of his other hand and eased two inside Taeil, still sucking. Taeil whined softly, pressing his head back against the glass and pulling his feet up to the windowsill so he could curl his body inward, giving Junhong better access.

His voice was breathy and soft. "Junhong... Baby, I'm close..."

The hell with it. Junhong decided to go on. He curled his fingers inside Taeil, searching until Taeil stared really trembling, then humming around his dick. He loved the sound Taeil made when he came like this.

As much as he generally liked the taste of Taeil, the texture was like mucus in his mouth, so he spat into his hand and wiped it off on his shed tee shirt. 

Taeil reached for him. Junhong stood, slipping his arms around Taeil's overheated body, pulling them together. Taeil slid his hands down Junhong's sides and under the waistband of his open jeans, pushing them off his hips.

"C'mere..." He hooked a leg over Junhong's hip, shivering slightly. "I still want you."

Junhong wasn't sure Taeil was ready, but he was insistent. The windowsill was exactly the right height to line them up without any stretching or reaching. He pushed into Taeil slowly, and found him hot and slick. He had to stop and hold his breath a moment to keep control.

Taeil shuddered again, holding on tight and gasping as Junhong began to move inside him, pushing in deep and rocking against him before pulling back. He made small breathy sounds with each slap of Junhong's hips against him; scratching with blunt nails down Junhong's back, biting his shoulder.

His body kept locking down, squeezing around Junhong's dick and it was almost too much stimulation. Bizarrely, the sight of the city just behind Taeil was a turn on, with the danger that someone might be watching them. Junhong didn't think about that too much.

Not while Taeil was whimpering, tugging their bodies together harder, faster. He kept grinding back into each roll of Junhong's hips, his dick hard again between them, racing toward a second climax. He reached it before Junhong, but only by a moment, then the insistent tug and flutter of his body was enough to pull Junhong after him.

Junhong braced one hand on an intersection of the window mullions, trying to catch his breath without crushing Taeil. The window was blurry with fog from the heat of their bodies, condensation tracking down the panes like shooting stars. Taeil tilted his head back and giggled softly.

He was so precious. Junhong slid his hands over Taeil's chest and down his sides, kissing him lazily. Taeil touched the side of his face when he pulled back, rubbing his thumb against the scar beneath Junhong's lip.

He stretched to kiss where his thumb had just been, eyes grave. "Don't ever let me go."

Junhong held him close and nodded.


	11. Truces & Treaties

Junhong was pleasantly reminded of his spring semester when he finished his Monday classes and found Taeil's car waiting. He dropped his bag in the back seat and climbed into the front, taking a moment to look Taeil over.

He was dressed attractively, in close fitting black pants and a blue silk top with short sleeves and a long waist. His sunglasses looked too big for his face, with round-lenses and thick gold frames, but he somehow fit them under the brim of his hat.

Junhong stole a quick kiss, even though Taeil was wearing tinted gloss. "You look nice."

"Thank you." Taeil smiled a bit darkly. "I didn't want to disappoint my fans at the police station."

Junhong smiled slightly, shaking his head. "So how did that go?

"Oh, they were very appreciative." Taeil declared in an exaggeratedly sweet tone. "One even whistled. I was tempted to blow a kiss his way, except I behaved. I've learned over the years that it rarely pays to antagonize police."

"Right, classy." Off the top of his head, Junhong couldn't think of any other interactions between Taeil and the police 'over the years' that he was told about. Though, at this point, anything was possible when it came to Taeil's history. "So what kind of stuff do they want you to do?"

"We officially closed the case. That was the important part." Taeil shrugged. "Detective Park gave me a brochure listing police-sponsored self defense classes. That looks like fun. Though, it'll all be worthwhile if I see you pummel a cop just once in the class we take. Did you know that there are still crappy cops on the force who worked there when I was twenty? And, of course they remember me..."

"Ah..." Junhong nodded, adjusting his seatbelt as he thought. "Did you involve the police in the other attacks? I'm trying to figure out where they would remember you from."

"Oh, I didn't tell you about my brief stint as a prostitute?" Taeil gave him a sideways look. "I'm kidding. Yeah, when people find you in a gutter in a city where beatings are rare, you end up talking to police. I had two of them hovering at my bedside in the hospital, and they didn't wait for me to ask for an investigation. They didn't find anyone or accomplish anything, but there are a few officers who've been calling me a little girl for a long time."

"Ah, I see." Junhong bowed his head, snickering to himself. "I'm trying to imagine you as a prostitute..."

"Um.... You're one of very few people who might get an accurate picture of that." Taeil blushed. He shook his head. "Anyway... As long as I was running, I went to the studio that produced my last album. My agent there hadn't heard that I was let go from the opera, but he said he would look into my chances of getting another album out."

Junhong laughed, hiding his face against Taeil's shoulder. He attempted to stop when Taeil switched subjects. "That's great, Taeil!"

"If it works out, yeah. It would make finances a lot easier to manage." Taeil looked deep in thought, staring at the stoplight overhead. "You might be able to quit your job at the laundromat by the end of the year..."

"That would be awesome, but I know it's not something to expect." Junhong pulled himself together fully and nodded, kissing Taeil's cheek. "I dropped philosophy today and if need be, I'll stay part time at the laundromat for a while. It'll be okay, as long as I'm still dancing and making progress." 

Taeil turned the same stare on  
Junhong that he had been giving to the light. He leaned in for a real kiss, though he didn't linger. "God. How many times have I told you you're amazing? Wanna blow off Jihoon and Min and just go home; maybe spend the rest of the week in bed with me?"

"Yes, honestly. But we probably shouldn't...." Junhong kissed him again before sitting back in his seat. "We're almost there anyway."

As before, they parked along the street and walked to Minhyuk's condo. This time it was Min who answered the door and led them inside. The condo was still closed up, the AC still running, and the entire place smelled like Kkakdugi kimchi.

"That smells good." Taeil observed pleasantly.

"That was lunch." Min replied, and it was impossible to tell if he was being serious or teasing Taeil.

Almost immediately, someone was knocking briskly at the door and Minhyuk abandoned them to greet Jihoon. He took Jihoon's leather satchel and hovered as he removed his shoes, then looped an arm around his shoulders as they walked to the kitchen.

Taeil found a clear section of counter and perched on it, tugging Junhong over so he was standing close and they could lean on each other. Jihoon gave them a hopeful look, his smile more subdued than Junhong had ever seen it.

Taeil reached across Junhong's shoulder to touch Jihoon's. "You're okay, Jihoon. How was your day?"

"It was good." Jihoon nodded, looking like a shy high school student.

"Good." Min cut them short. "Everyone grab something and let's relocate to the table. My kitchen's too small for this."

Jihoon attempted to lighten up. He gestured at Junhong. "You grab Taeil, we've got the food." 

Junhong laughed, shifting to stand in front of Taeil. "Wanna be a backpack?"

Taeil looped his arms around Junhong's collar and tucked his knees over Junhong's hips. He hopped off the counter and pressed the sides of their faces together. "So this is how you see the world..."

"Mhm..." Junhong smiled as he followed Minhyuk and Jihoon into the living room.

Jihoon placed his dishes on the table and looked toward Taeil. He sighed. "I wish that worked. If I could just lean over people's shoulders and understand them, I might finally have a chance of understanding you."

"You can get that by observing and listening." Minhyuk dragged the topic back to reality. He pulled Jihoon's sport coat off, leaving him in a short-sleeved Boss button down.

Jihoon looked skeptical, but he nodded anyway. He and Minhyuk finished setting out the food and Taeil slid off Junhong's back, hugging him around his ribs before sitting down.

True to form, Minhyuk got directly to business. "So, this evening is all about truces and treaties. I thought about wearing a uniform costume, but... Instead I made calming food. Please enjoy as much as you want."

They all seemed unsure who should serve up first. Jihoon gestured to Taeil. Taeil frowned. "Oh, good. I'm the deposed King?"

"Queen." Minhyuk mumbled. "You still have makeup on."

"I always still have makeup on these days. Angel, it turns out, wears buckets of it." Taeil looked at the food, carefully taking a few things. "And she's a skinny bitch, too. It's hard to sell the audience I a chubby tranny dying of AIDS."

"You're anything but chubby, Taeil." Junhong smiled, waiting as Minhyuk and Jihoon took food before doing so himself. "And I think 'King' fits better."

Minhyuk shook his head, but Jihoon was nodding. "So skinny. He's right, and... I know I might say something that upsets you, because I always do the wrong thing with you, but why haven't you gained back some weight? It's been months since your throat healed."

"You don't always do the wrong thing." Taeil corrected, ignoring the question. "Sometimes you're great, Jihoonie."

"I've hurt you, though." Jihoon persisted. "And you didn't answer my question."

Both Junhong and Minhyuk nodded. Taeil rolled his eyes. "I'm more marketable skinny. You all might remember that I'd dedicated myself to a hell of salads before three strangers elected to help me with my diet?"

"Ugh. No." Minhyuk shook his head, his expression brutal. "We all agree that Jihoon has hurt you, though. Did you want to pointlessly argue that?"

"Sure." Taeil gamely agreed. "I'll argue that I'm more resilient than I get credit for. Jihoon never really hurt me, unless you're talking about hurting my feelings, and if that's the next topic I'm gonna get pissed off, because I might accept 'Queen', but definitely not 'princess'."

Junhong gave him a stern look. Jihoon cringed. "How about lots and lots of bruises." He intoned miserably.

"You and a dozen stages." Taeil shrugged. "Big deal."

Junhong shook his head. "That's different, though. Stages are inanimate things that don't mean to hurt people, but Jihoon is supposed to be your best friend. Usually, friends shouldn't be compared to inanimate objects to justify their behavior." 

"That's true." Jihoon said with a bit more confidence. "I've thought about our friendship a lot since that night I got drunk, and I've done so many stupid things in my life and I've lost a lot of friends as a result of that. But you always forgive, and understand, and love. I don't know why you still like me. I'm so selfish."

"Because most of the time you're loving and concerned and it's easy for me to really like you." Taeil shrugged. "Besides, you're an honest person, even when you get selfish. And the things that hurt the most in the past don't matter anymore. You always assured me that you'd never fall in love with me, and you never did, and that's okay."

"I never want to risk losing that friendship again." Jihoon declared, sounding like a melodrama. Everyone else started laughing. "What? You should make this harder for me."

"Ruin his outfit." Minhyuk suggested.

"Mess up his hair." Junhong added.

"Yeah, I've done both." Taeil shrugged. "He rolls with that better than you'd think."

"No, I don't." Jihoon insisted. "I have kept a mental tally of your victims. They might be gone, but they are not forgotten."

"Name one." Taeil challenged.

"Christian Dior, black silk suit. You ripped the pocket off the jacket when we were arguing." Jihoon looked almost weepy. "The sweater from the same set was killed earlier this year - again by you - when you washed it wrong."

"Wait.... That got ruined?" Taeil sighed. "I actually liked that. ...The sweater with the name."

"Seriously, though." Jihoon bowed slightly. "Tell me my punishment."

Taeil looked at Junhong and Minhyuk, shrugging. "...I could run around in campy drag every time you want to go somewhere serious? Honestly, I'm not fond of punishment. .....unless you want a spanking."

Jihoon gave him a ridiculously slimy look. "That sounds super kinky, Taeil."

"But my hands are too soft." Taeil waggled his tattooed fingers. "Junhong will have to help out."

Jihoon looked at Junhong. He actually looked worried until Junhong laughed.


	12. Good News!

When Junhong arrived at the studio for his audition, there was only one man waiting. He strode forward and greeted Junhong with a strong handshake. "Choi-ssi. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine." Junhong bowed to the man.

"I'm Wo Gihyun." Junhong recognized his name as the director of the dance company. "Before you show me anything, I wanted to talk a little."

"Right, okay." Junhong nodded, giving Wo-ssi his undivided attention. 

"I've looked over the personnel files. Yours gives a late July start date... That would mean you've only been with this studio for a little over a month." He didn't let much emotion show on his face, so his feelings about Junhong's short professional history were impossible to guess. "Is that right?"

"Yes..." Junhong tried not to worry, though it was inevitable. He fidgeted with his hands behind his back. "That's right."

"And you were one of the five performers sent to the Beijing performing arts exposition?" Wo-ssi glanced at a tablet. "There is video of those performances, as well as the recital your school hosted last April. Talent scouts from our company were there. Did you want to dance today, as well?"

"Ah, yes." Junhong nodded, his worries doubling when the recital was mentioned. He thought he had improved massively since the recital and hoped the recordings of the Beijing show displayed his current talents better. "Thank you. I really appreciate this opportunity."

"Excellent. If you want to set up, I'll watch you now." He stepped back to the far end of the room, where he flicked through the apps on his tablet.

Junhong resisted the compulsion to bow again and crossed to the stereo system. He'd brought a CD of his accompaniment, but it wasn't needed. The new system had Bluetooth, so he could stream the music directly from his mobile.

His dance classes and lab time made performing like this, for an audience of one, far easier. He cleared his mind and stretched, waiting for the first beat. When it began, all thought ceased. He was an extension of the music, driven into motion.

Taeil's research had given him insight regarding the tastes of this company. He'd updated his choreography to showcase some of the style and moves they favored, but he'd kept the bulk of it as personal as possible.

His time in Beijing had also contributed. Some of the Chinese dancers had showed him how to make the most of his height, his reach, and his power. He included big jumps, expansive footwork, and a few moves that smaller, weaker dancers could never execute - all woven into the songs and the sequences carefully, so they didn't seem isolated.

It was only twelve minutes, but he was overheated and pleasantly tired when he was done. He opened a bottle of water after disconnecting the Bluetooth and drank it as he crossed to Wo-ssi.

He let himself bow, then. Wo-ssi bowed as well. "Thank you, Junhong."

Junhong nodded again, smiling as he caught his breath. "Thank you."

"Have a seat, and we'll discuss the company and what we're looking for." He gestured to a set of foldable metal chairs. Once they were settled, he opened a video on the tablet. It looked like a big-budget production; maybe a modern dance reproduction of the ballet Giselle. "We not only assist in shows and videos for the idol industry, but we also perform full shows four to six times each year. Is that something you'd be interested in pursuing?"

Junhong thought about what that would entail. Most of the other studios mainly worked as back up dancers for idols, sometimes putting out minor productions. This would be completely different, but Junhong thought he would like the change. "Yes! That would be amazing!"

"I'm glad." Minimizing the video brought a document to the screen. "We've spoken to many of your colleagues here and they describe you as a talented, giving, and capable team member who learns and teaches with equal eagerness and speed. Your height ought to be problematic when working as part of a group, but it hasn't been. You have strong visual appeal. And, your willingness to travel at such short notice speaks well of your ability to go the extra mile. ...We'd like to retain you..."

All that remained was to discuss his pay and to sign the paperwork transferring his employment to the new company. Junhong walked home in a good mood, even when foot traffic got congested, enjoying the cooler breeze that had begun blowing off the river. 

He found Taeil in the bathroom of their flat, leaning over the sink with the door wide open. He was wearing a white lace peasant top without trousers, and his stage makeup was laid out on the counter. He already had eyeliner and bronze shadow on, but no lipstick.

"Hi, baby." Taeil put his mascara back down.

"Hey, cutie." Junhong leaned down to kiss the top of Taeil's head. "Everything went well and the director told me they wanted to keep me!"

"Good, he isn't stupid." Taeil pulled Junhong closer, kissing the side of his mouth; just a brush of lips against his scar. "Cutie, huh? Okay... How do you wanna celebrate?"

"Well..." Junhong laid a hand on either side of Taeil, effectively corralling him against the counter. He leaned in for another kiss.

Taeil slipped his arms around Junhong, pushing his hands under the hem of his tee shirt and following the bumps of his vertebra. He tilted his head a little, licking deeper into the kiss.

It felt like they were revisiting their first week together. Junhong lifted a hand to Taeil's face, tracing the edge of his ear and brushing back through his hair to cradle his head. Maybe it was his imagination, but Taeil's hair felt particularly soft in his palm.

He dragged his hand down Taeil's neck, comparing the texture of his skin there to his collar, then followed the same path with his mouth. Taeil's skin tasted salty-sweet, though the cosmetics had made him smell like honey and baby powder.

Junhong laced their fingers together, and tugged gently, leading him toward the bedroom. Taeil fell into step easily. He turned them when they reached the bed and nudged Junhong so the backs of his knees were against the side of the mattress.

Junhong pulled his tee shirt off as Taeil knelt, kissing his stomach and stripping away his jeans on the way down. He took Junhong's dick in his mouth without a second's hesitation, swallowing him completely.

His skill with his mouth defied all logic. It was all Junhong could do to remain coherent. He let his weight settle on the edge of the mattress and threaded his fingers through Taeil's hair as Taeil sucked and licked all the way up the length of his dick before taking him deep again, throat tight around him.

In the months since their first try, he'd mastered taking Junhong to the edge without getting him off, but that wasn't something Junhong wanted this time. He slid his thumb behind Taeil's ear, groaning softly. "Hey... You're too good at that."

Taeil was giggling even before he stopped, and the vibration was almost too much. He blew cool air across the spit-slick head of Junhong's dick. "Sorry?"

He crawled back up to the surface of the mattress. Junhong pulled him closer, following the lacy neckline of his top with one finger. "How does this always happen? You're still dressed and I'm naked..."

Taeil shrugged, kissing Junhong's shoulder. "I had no pants on to begin with."

His thighs were smooth and warm under Junhong's hands, but that was nothing new. Taeil never had much body hair. Junhong hooked his fingers under the elastic of Taeil's underwear and pulled them down, palming his dick under the ruffled hem of the top.

"God, Junhong..." Taeil pushed into his hand. He sighed when Junhong let go and lifted the bottom of the shirt. "This thing is kinda awful to take off. It laces up behind my back..."

Taking that as a plea for help, Junhong stood up and turned Taeil slightly, so he could see the lacing. It wasn't complicated, but had at least twelve inches of dramatic crisscrossing ribbons strung through loops, like a corset. He untied the bow at the bottom and ducked to kiss the back of Taeil's neck.

He knew it was a sensitive area, but the breathy, needy noise Taeil made went straight to his dick. He pressed against Taeil's bottom, rocking their bodies together, his hands sliding under lace to pet Taeil's lower abdomen and upper thigh.

Taeil leaned over the bed, bracing his hands against the mattress and pushing back, and it reminded Junhong of the second time they made love. He hadn't taken Taeil from behind since then. It had been Taeil's idea that time... Junhong kissed his neck again and reached for the lube, slicking his fingers before slipping two inside Taeil.

The response was clearly positive. Taeil moaned softly and pushed back again. He shivered, voice soft. "...it's good..."

There was no chance the top was coming off now. It was too well fitted to remove one-handed. Junhong worked another finger into Taeil and pushed them deeper, reaching for his prostate. "You're okay with right here?"

"...yes..." Taeil arched his back. A sharp tremor ran through him when Junhong found the right spot. "Oh, God... This is fine, just... Yes."

Junhong had to urge Taeil up onto the bed to reduce the height difference. He didn't want to be a creep and stare at Taeil's ass, but the view was good and he couldn't resist kissing Taeil's spine, just above his bottom, before leaning over him and pushing in.

With afternoon light still flooding the room, they were clearly reflected in the full-length mirror they'd hung between the windows. Junhong could see the passion on Taeil's face as clearly as the makeup. He looked simultaneously pretty and pornographic, his mouth slightly open, gasping at each push of Junhong's hips.

The makeup made his eyes look so much bigger, so much more feminine, it changed the way his expressions read. He looked so young and so girlish, especially in ruffled white lace. Junhong looked away from their reflection; focused on the breadth of Taeil's shoulders and the tattoos on his hands and forearms.

His felt fantastic, as always. Junhong slowed down, rolled his hips more deliberately, rocking them together at the end of each push, and Taeil breathed a soft, searching whimper each time he was pushed forward. His fingers clenched in the blankets.

Junhong shifted over him, sliding one hand around his thigh to circle his dick. He closed his mouth against the back of Taeil's neck and sucked softly, stroking his dick in counterpoint to the roll of his hips. Taeil felt so hot and tight around him. He made the most erotic noises...

The coarse texture of the lace was surprisingly pleasant over Taeil's nipple ring. Junhong rubbed a thumb against it, pressing a bit too hard and moving slower than usual, savoring the clench of Taeil's body and the tremors that started low in his abdomen.

Taeil whined softly, pressing back against Junhong's hips, grinding into each thrust. Junhong sped up, put more power into each movement. He was close, but Taeil obviously was, too.

Their reflection caught his eye again, Taeil's hair a mess, his makeup soft and smoky now, he looked up, met Junhong's eyes in the mirror and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. Junhong bit the back of his neck, watching him close his eyes tightly and fall apart. The angle of the mirror hid his lower body, leaving his gender ambiguous, and Junhong didn't care. Taeil was beautiful and sensual, and absolutely beloved.

Junhong pulled their bodies flush as he came, curling his arms too tight around Taeil, collapsing against him. Taeil giggled underneath him, shuddering hard enough to stutter his laughter. He gathered the lacy top away from the mess and tugged once at the hanging ribbons. "Always in my costumes..."

Junhong laughed along with him, giving him a little space and loosening the lacing on his back. Between the two of them, they managed to peel the top off Taeil. Junhong threw it into the corner near the closet door and wiped them off with his dirty tee shirt. He dragged Taeil closer again, snuggling with him.

"How was your day?" He asked as if nothing had happened since he got home.

Taeil laughed. "Um... I spent half my work day trying to figure out the best way to make out with a straight guy, then I went home and this happened."

Junhong traced his finger over the wing of the owl tattooed on Taeil's chest. "Ah... How did that turn out?"

"Poor Hojin, he's so keenly aware of the fact that I'm really queer. This is a hard part for him." Taeil yawned, tangling his legs with Junhong's. "...But, I think I've got Angel completely figured out. She's all about loving and living, even though she's dying. She goes through the play wringing every drop from her life before it's over, and simultaneously tries to get her friends taken care of before she leaves them."

"Sounds right." Junhong kissed him briefly, intertwining his fingers with Taeil's. "I think you're going to be amazing."

"I hope so. I really love this character." Taeil rolled to his side, tucking himself against Junhong's chest. "It feels like I'm becoming a better person when I pretend to be her... Is that too weird?"

"No, it makes sense." Junhong shook his head, tucked his arms around Taeil and fidgeted with his soft hair. "Angel seems really kind and caring."

"And idealistic, but I won't start pointing out flaws." Taeil sighed, pressing his cheek into the indent of Junhong's collar. "That self defense course starts next week... Are you sure you want to do that along with everything else?"

"Yeah, it sounds fun." Junhong smiled. "Also, I wouldn't want to let you down by failing to pummel a cop while I can."

"Oh, God... I honestly hope that happens." Taeil shivered. "Why is it a turn on to think of that when I don't like violent guys? ...I don't know. Um... Seoyun wants to take the class with us. She's finally working again, in a firm that specializes in design for business spaces."

"Jongup is thinking about it, too." Junhong nodded. "What will Baehun do, though? It would be really cute to watch a three year old learn self defense..."

"He'll be with his aunt." Taeil shifted, propping himself up on his elbow. His slightly melted makeup made his eyes stunningly intense, and showed how long his lashes really were. "Hey... Are you sure you won't regret giving up kids?"

Junhong shook his head, looking at Taeil's eyes. He brushed his fingers across Taeil's cheek before kissing it. "You're surprisingly pretty like this, Taeil..."

Taeil stared at him, brows lifting slightly. "And you're a weirdo. .....I'm glad this doesn't freak you out, though. It honestly freaks me out a little."

Junhong knew he was smiling. He hoped Taeil could see how content -no, genuinely happy- he was. "I love you, no matter what. No matter how you dress or what makeup you wear. Completely."

Tears gathered in Taeil's eyes, making them bright. He snuggled back down with Junhong. "I love you too. No matter what."


	13. Self Defense

When Taeil agreed to include others in his self defense class, he hadn't taken into account the contrast between his skill level and theirs. Watching Junhong and Jongup spar was like watching a martial arts movie by the second class, and even though it was a great show, it made Taeil feel a bit sick.

Seoyun was more on his level. She flinched in the face of an attack, ducking behind her arms rather than using the moves they were being taught. Watching Jongup roll through Junhong attempting to kick him in the head, Taeil felt small and slow. He leaned back, bracing his shoulders against the wall, and shrugged at Seoyun.

She was smiling, but Taeil knew that for what it was. He'd been taught to smile through fear and uncertainty, too. For years, his only tell was the clenching of his hands, and Seoyun was obviously a better learner than he had been. He tugged her sleeve, making a ridiculous face.

She laughed, relaxing slightly, though the tension returned when Junhong and Jongup rejoined them. She held her breath as the officer teaching the course called the next two students to spar. Neither she nor Taeil were called.

As if he was afraid to cool down, Jongup placidly flipped into a handstand, his feet touching the wall as he began doing push-ups. Taeil snorted. "Show off. Can you do that if I jump on your back?"

"He probably could." Junhong shrugged, smiling. "He's the strongest person I know."

Jongup finished his set and righted himself, wiping the dust from his hands on his warmup pants. He looked oblivious to the awe and envy being directed his way. As had become his habit from day one, he began explaining the way he'd deflected Junhong's kick. He always made the moves easier to understand, even acting them out in slow motion if needed.

Officer Kim called Taeil to the mat, along with a plump young man in his late teens. Taeil clenched his teeth and pulled a deep breath, going where he'd been directed. The kid looked slightly relieved to face him. Junhong frowned. If he could see the relief, Taeil certainly could, too.

Usually, he preferred to be matched up with Seoyun, but that wasn't doing any good for either of them. Junhong appreciated that officer Kim noticed and began forcing them to face more challenging opponents, even though it made both of them uncomfortable.

It was hard watching Taeil fail, though. The kid was a bit fat, but he'd obviously been paying attention in class. He blocked every blow Taeil threw at him, and easily landed several of his own. He only struggled when he tried to knock Taeil over, though he would have managed it if officer Kim hadn't called the match and separated them. Taeil looked frustrated as he returned to the group.

"I suck at fighting." Which was true, but not something Junhong wanted to agree with.

"Imagine if you could train animals to be bodyguards." Jongup interjected, watching another pair spar. "Most people would probably have a dog bodyguard... But wouldn't a squirrel be better? It could hide in your coat pocket and surprise anyone who tried to hurt you..."

Seoyun gaped at him for a moment. She looked at Taeil uncertainly. "Er... We'll both get better, I think. We just need time and practice."

"And attack squirrels." Taeil smirked at Jongup. "I like that idea. A whole different kind of pocket monster."

Jongup nodded. He stepped behind Taeil, gesturing for Junhong to come closer. "Can I show you how to block? Junhong can try to hit you and I'll help you stop him..."

Which worked far better than having someone demonstrate and Taeil trying to copy the action. Jongup held on to Taeil's wrists and pulled his arms into resting position, then out to every block. Taeil looked like he was focusing on everything they did, committing it to body memory the way he did each play. As they continued working, excitement suffused his face, and Jongup began to look joyful as well.

"This is so much easier!" Taeil grinned up at Junhong, who hadn't landed a blow yet. "Jongup, you would be great at teaching this kind of class!"

Jongup kept smiling, but he shook his head. "I might be a good assistant, but not teacher..." He kept guiding Taeil through blocks, now with his hands on Taeil's wrists but not around them.

Taeil stopped, abruptly throwing himself forward into Junhong's chest and holding on to him. "Now, if I can do that a hundred more times, I might get good at this."

"Okay." Jongup agreed. He turned toward Seoyun. "Want me to show you, too?"

She shied back, looking Jongup over. Junhong had noticed how awed and intrigued she always seemed to be around Jongup. He was glad she wasn't a forward woman, or he might have to explain Jongup's strange relationship to her.

Being offered close contact had her visibly flustered, but as was his nature, Jongup was obviously unaware of her struggle. He smiled encouragingly. She dithered a little. "Um... I don't know if I learn the way Taeil does... But, I could try."

Jongup did the same thing with her as he had with Taeil, only Seoyun didn't reach a point where he could let go. Wether her trouble was lack of grace or awkwardness at being touched by a man as good looking as Jongup was beyond Junhong's ability to guess.

When officer Kim concluded class, they wandered out to Taeil's car together. Junhong sat in the back, folding his legs close, so Seoyun could have the front seat. She rolled her window down slightly and checked her mobile phone for messages.

Taeil glanced at her as he started the car. "Everything okay?"

"Oh, yes." She sighed. "I know I'm letting myself worry over nothing, but it's been such a struggle, trying to bring the custody case together in court. My lawyer is good. He took care of my sister's divorce last year, but she had no children and Jae is a lawyer, so sometimes it seems impossible..."

"It's only impossible if you quit." Taeil reminded.

"I know, but I worry all the time." Seoyun tucked her phone back into her purse. "I won't quit. Just a few nights ago, when we were getting ready for bed, Bae thanked God for giving us a home where nobody hits... I felt so bad for making him live that way so long."

"He's still young." Taeil assured. "He'll grow up happy. He's already so much happier than he was before..."

She nodded. "He's such a sweet boy... I imagine Junhong like that when he was little."

"Ah... No." Junhong ducked even though she wasn't looking at him. "I was such a brat when I was little..."

Jongup laughed. "I was nice...and respectful, too."

"I bet you were." Taeil agreed.

"Oh, but I think Junhong must have been respectful, too." Seoyun argued. "You're always so polite."

"The polite rat King." Taeil teased.

Seoyun looked baffled. "Rat King?"

"Well..." Junhong laughed. He scooted forward in his seat slightly, as far as he could go without sacrificing his legs. "Right now I'm working on a modern dance adaptation of the Nutcracker. I'm the least experienced member of the company, so it's kinda a big deal that I was cast as the Rat King. The company is trusting me to do well, so, I've been practicing a lot."

"Oh! I've never seen the Nutcracker." Seoyun turned slightly in her seat, looking back at Junhong. "Do you think it would be a show Baehun could sit through? I haven't made any holiday plans yet, but maybe we could come watch."

"I'm not sure..." Junhong thought about the play's run time and content. "It's definitely shorter than the original, but it also might be a little more... Disturbing? Some of the concepts are a bit creepier."

Jongup grinned, nodding slowly. "The costume drawings for Junhong's character are really strange. It looks like he has three faces, and extra arms, too..."

Seoyun raised her eyebrows. "Oh! That probably isn't something he should see at his age. ...maybe you could come to a Christmas party at our apartment, instead?"

"We're thinking of having an early party at our flat." Taeil offered. "We'll invite you. It'll be a week before Christmas, though. Junhong's parents invited us to spend the holiday with them."

"That's so nice." She enthused. "So, you get along well with them, Taeil?"

"Uh... They're really nice." Taeil sidestepped. "I've only met them once so far, when I was recovering from my crushed windpipe and couldn't talk very much... But, it was a nice - if awkward - meeting."

Junhong laughed, covering his face with one hand. "He still had so many bruises...my mom was worried I'd beat him up. But, they're trying to be understanding. I have a really great family, and they're talking about having my aunts and uncles and cousins come over to meet Taeil."

Seoyun looked at Taeil. "Are you ready for that?"

"Are you kidding?" Taeil laughed anxiously. "Not a chance. But, I'm doing it anyway. Junhong's parents are being so amazing... I really appreciate how much they love him."


	14. More Beginnings

Junhong actually loved children, and he got the feeling that Taeil felt the same as he cooed over Sohee's newborn daughter. The baby was slightly premature and tiny, but her cheeks were soft and rounded and her dark eyes were surprisingly keen and intelligent, and she had a relentless grip once she caught hold.

Her little pink fingers were tight around Taeil's thumb, her fuzzy head in the crook of his other elbow, and Sohee was laughing at the helpless position Taeil was in. She was already thin again only days after giving birth, wearing stylish clothing and full makeup, as if someone might come in and snap a picture.

Amazingly enough, someone did while Taeil was still holding the baby, perched beside Sohee on the hospital room's little couch. Junhong frowned at the reporter and his team, and they gave him a wide berth as they tromped in to get a statement.

Sohee was just beginning to talk to them when Jihoon and Minhyuk arrived, and any chance of a focused interview was utterly lost. Jihoon walked in singing a cheesy old song about mothers and Sohee hid her face and Minhyuk began telling the photographer off for taking pictures.

Eventually, the news team fled, and Sohee told Jihoon soon after that she and little Sarang needed a nap. That was why he and Minhyuk rode the same elevator as Junhong and Taeil, back to the ground floor. That was also why all four of them ended up at Taeil's favorite tattoo parlor.

Taeil had poured over possible designs before picking one, talking to the original artist, and making an appointment to cover his old fish with a new tattoo. He spoke to the owner of the shop as if they were old friends, and quietly explained that the vast majority of his ink had been done there. That didn't stop Jihoon from scrutinizing the cleanliness of the parlor.

He was listening to one of the artists explain the autoclave process when Junhong noticed Minhyuk watching with an unfamiliar look on his face. Taeil noticed as well, and frowned at the expression, though he kept his mouth shut. He gave his copy of the drawing to the tattoo artist and sidled closer to Minhyuk as it was prepared.

"Really?" He nudged Minhyuk's shoulder.

Junhong couldn't help smirking. The lobby was too small to pretend he didn't hear them. Minhyuk shrugged. "What? Don't pretend you haven't noticed how pretty he is."

"Yeah, pretty wouldn't be my word for Jihoon." Taeil muttered. "How did I miss this before now? You've been so obvious..."

"Have I?" Minhyuk looked deep in thought, his mouth severe. "If so, all of my friends are idiots."

"All of your friends are idiots." Taeil agreed. "Just like you're an idiot..."

The artist beckoned Taeil toward his booth. Taeil sighed at Minhyuk and climbed into what looked like a dentist's chair. He pulled his black tee shirt over his head and laid it across his legs, rolling to his side. The artist rubbed some kind of oil over his ribs and carefully shaved the area, though it had little hair to begin with, and pressed the drawing to Taeil's skin, transferring the pattern.

The new tattoo was an ancient Chinese guardian spirit, which would perfectly cover the fish that represented Jaewon. Taeil nodded at the placement of the pattern and pulled a deep breath as the artist began to work.

Jihoon joined them in the little booth, but Minhyuk opted for looking at a display of body jewelry instead. Taeil took the opportunity to kick Jihoon, though lightly and carefully enough to avoid upsetting the work being done to his side. "What are you doing with Min?"

Jihoon glanced between them. "Nothing. Or, nothing friends don't normally do."

"Oh God. Really?" Taeil kicked Jihoon again, a bit harder, and the tattoo artist cleared his throat. Taeil sucked his bottom lip, laying still. He glared at Jihoon. "Do you consider our past something friends normally do?"

"Taeil, don't." Jihoon sighed. He looked toward Minhyuk again. "He told me he's in love with me... I told him I needed to think about that."

Taeil pulled a deep breath. He fidgeted with his shed tee shirt. "What ever you do, Jihoon... Please don't use him."

Junhong contemplated kicking Jihoon for Taeil when he didn't answer. Jihoon pursed his lips, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "I won't. He's my good friend, too... Though, I thought I might introduce him to my parents and see how that goes."

"You're kidding me." Taeil grumbled. "Are you saying you're going to make his feelings part of an experiment to get a better grip on your parents' acceptance? Because that sounds like using him, as far as I'm concerned."

That seemed to merit a kick. Of course, Jihoon had been a sissy in the past and would probably overreact, so Junhong put minimal force into his quick foot-nudge. Jihoon moved away from him. "It wouldn't be an experiment. Just a careful first step. If my parents can't accept that, I'll apologize and we'll just stay friends."

Taeil looked away. He reached for Junhong and held on as the needle moved over his ribs. When it reached a particularly tender area, he closed his eyes and his brows pulled together. Jihoon left the booth, joining Minhyuk at the jewelry case.

Junhong watched the tattoo take shape. The spirit had wide eyes and a strong jaw, but Junhong didn't read into the similarities between its features and his own. He told himself this wasn't for him, it was for Taeil. He wouldn't want to take Jaewon's place, anyway, even if he wanted to always be at Taeil's side.

Later, at home, Taeil lay curled up on the couch, his head resting on Junhong's thigh. He'd been lost in thought all afternoon, and Junhong let him think, trusting him to share if needed. Taeil sighed, rubbing his leg. "Not all parents are as wonderful as yours."

Junhong nodded. "I know. I'm very lucky."

"Yeah..." Taeil rolled onto his back and looked up at Junhong. "My parents... They could've been a lot worse, really. They were never cruel. Just...dismissive, I guess? They said that if I left, I could never come back..."

"Ah, right..." Junhong toyed with Taeil's hair for a bit before running his fingers down to Taeil's cheek. Junhong smiled softly. "It's their loss, though. You're so amazing."

Taeil caught his hand and held it, pulling it up so he could kiss Junhong's palm. "I'm glad you still think so after how crazy I've been. This has been a roller coaster year, and I know I'm not what you originally agreed to... Sometimes I can't help but wonder if you regret that decision."

"Not today, no." Junhong laughed, leaning down to kiss Taeil's forehead. "But seriously, no. Every relationship has its hard times, but I think they make bonds stronger."

Taeil shifted his position, bringing their bodies together and wrapping his arms around Junhong. He rested his head on Junhong's shoulder. "...you know what? I'm not going to judge whatever it is that's happening with Jihoon and Min. They're two of my best friends, but that doesn't make it my business. I have what I need. This is where I should be focusing."

Junhong's smile widened as he held Taeil close, closing his eyes. He nodded. "That sounds nice"


	15. We got this

It always seemed to be in the quiet margin of morning when they lay half awake, cuddled together, that the phone rang. Taeil inhaled sharply through his nose, dragging himself off Junhong's chest and reaching for the handset.

He almost dropped it on the way to his ear. "Morning?"

Junhong rolled closer, curling an arm around Taeil's middle and pressing his face into the cotton covering his side. He didn't try to capture Taeil's attention, but he listened quietly. The voice coming from the other end was completely unfamiliar.

Taeil covered the phone and coughed softly, clearing his throat. "Yes, yes sir, I would consider that." He sounded far more polite than was his norm. "Yes, I have a production running through Christmas with the Cardinal Players, but I'm sure I could make more than enough time."

He pulled free from Junhong's grip, fetched a notebook and pen from the big chest of drawers and jotted something down. The room was so quiet, Junhong could hear the rumbling of the smoky voice of the unidentified caller, even from a distance.

Taeil followed the cord back to the antique telephone. He nodded vaguely. "Yes. Thank you, sir. ...I'll be there."

He seemed caught in time after hanging up. His hands were still on the side table, and he lingered beside the bed before sitting back down, his expression blank and stunned.

"Hey, are you okay?" Junhong sat up, sliding closer to Taeil. "What was that about?"

"That was the CEO of the label that produces my albums." Taeil gnawed his lip uncertainly. "Remember how I paid my agent a visit? Well, they've been talking and they not only want to cut a full-length album, but they've been looking into the legality of my dismissal from the opera... He says there was no real case filed against me, and nobody will furnish any evidence, or even official statements... So... They've talked to some people in the Arts council and they want me to sing the lead in the opening show this season."

Junhong smiled, wrapping his arms around Taeil's waist. "That's great! You'd be amazing!"

"I'm so scared, though..." Taeil fussed, gripping Junhong's shirt. He laughed anxiously. "This is like starting over, with more baggage than ever... But it would solve so many of our problems. God. The pay alone would be a lifesaver, and this could be a huge win for the whole LGBT community. I mean, does this even happen?"

"Rarely... I think you should do it." Junhong kissed Taeil's cheek. "And I'm here for you. I'll try to help anyway I can."

Taeil finally met Junhong's eyes. He traced his fingertips down the sides of Junhong's face. "I count on you all the time. But...this will make people really mad at me again. Can you handle that? I mean, people saying horrible things about both of us, and maybe our friends and families? I'm not even exaggerating. It happens."

"At least we know what to watch out for, right?" Junhong tugged Taeil closer, brushing his hair out of his face and leaning their heads together. "I'm with you, and we're stronger than ever... We got this."

"Yeah...?" Taeil shifted, straddling Junhong's lap.

Junhong smiled reassuringly. "Yeah."

"And you're not at all afraid?" Taeil asked.

"Not really." Junhong admitted. "Things really are getting better, this just proves that people are getting more accepting. I'll trust you to talk to me from now on...and we'll be okay."

"Yeah..." Taeil stared into Junhong's eyes for a few minutes. "I want to believe you."

His hair was still wild from sleeping. Junhong finger combed it. "Believe in yourself, and in us."

"In 'us', huh?" Taeil looked ornery but was too close for Junhong's eyes to focus properly, then he brushed the tip of his tongue along the seam of Junhong's lips.

"Yeah." Junhong chased Taeil's tongue, kissing him quickly.

"So, you've got me?" Taeil spoke against the corner of Junhong's mouth, his tone light.

Junhong grinned. He slid his hands down Taeil's back to grip his bottom. "I've got you."

"And you honestly want this?" Taeil asked teasingly. "Even with all the frustration and trouble I cause you?"

"Like you are right now?" Junhong couldn't resist teasing back. He pushed their hips tighter together, rolling his slightly. "...I always want you."

Taeil's breath stuttered. His fingers clenched against Junhong's shoulders and he ducked for a proper kiss, sucking Junhong's bottom lip. "I'm glad."

"I can see that." Junhong pushed Taeil's shirt up, gathering the fabric over his collarbone and holding it with his fingers while his thumb brushed across the simple barbell in Taeil's nipple.

Taeil made a hungry sound, shifting in his lap. He ducked out of the shirt, covering Junhong's hand to keep it where it was. "Mmm. You know, you seriously underuse that recently..."

Which might be true. The nipple ring had been a favorite tool at the beginning of their relationship, but Junhong had stopped relying on it so much since learning other ways to please Taeil. He still enjoyed every time Taeil changed his hardware, though.

"I'll keep that in mind." He rubbed his thumb from one end of the barbell to the other, smiling at the shiver that ran through Taeil. The new tattoo kept drawing his eyes downward. Fresh as it was, it stood out dark and shiny against Taeil's skin. He thought he could feel the ink under his hand as he slid his palm down Taeil's side; as if Taeil's tattoos were Braille he could read.

He rolled Taeil down onto the mattress, pulling his own shirt off before laying over him. Taeil was perfectly relaxed, thighs open so Junhong fit between, hands open against Junhong's skin. He met Junhong's kiss eagerly, sucking his tongue and following it back into Junhong's mouth. 

He was breathless when Junhong pulled away, and his voice was soft. "You're the love of my life... Do you know that? I was terrified when we were struggling."

Junhong blinked, caught unprepared for the change in tone. He leaned back down to kiss Taeil's jaw and murmured near his ear, though he wasn't sure what to say. "It's okay, now."

"I know I'm going to love you until I die..." Taeil insisted. He bit his bottom lip when Junhong lifted his head to look at him. "...I understand if this is too much. I know you're a lot younger than me..."

"It isn't." Junhong promised. He slid his fingers into the hair at Taeil's nape and stroked below Taeil's ear with his thumb. "You're everything I want, too."

Taeil pulled him down for another kiss, drawing it out as long as he could before Junhong mouthed down the side of his neck, to his chest. He sucked the barbell, tracing it with his tongue, and Taeil's hips lifted off the bed to press against Junhong's stomach.

Junhong took the opportunity to slip Taeil's pajama pants down his legs and let them fall off the side of the bed, smiling when Taeil bent a leg and hooked his toes under Junhong's waistband. His pants slid off easily. He nuzzled Taeil's thigh while it was close, and curled his fingers into the concave space behind Taeil's knee. "I think you could be a really good dancer if you tried."

Taeil fixed a mock-serious look on him. "No, not really. Anything that might seem like dance talent in me is reserved for sex."

"Ah." Junhong smiled slightly, rubbing the backs of Taeil's thighs. He shifted back upward, kissing up the center of Taeil's stomach and skipping back to his jaw, his lips. He took the lube from the nightstand and squeezed a little in his hand. "That's okay, I guess."

Taeil laughed, then pulled his lip between his teeth again, scraping as it slid back out, watching Junhong's hands. "Just on you, okay? I don't need any."

They'd made love the night before, and sometimes Taeil liked to push himself. Junhong knew, but he didn't like to cause real pain. He nodded quietly, adding a bit more to his palm and coating himself more liberally than he normally would. He eased in, rocking his hips slow and deep, and Taeil didn't try to rush him. They both wanted to make it last.

When they were patient, the connection between them became far more important than just the release. Junhong stopped moving, just feeling Taeil around and beneath him. He lifted them both slightly and pushed a pillow under Taeil's lower back, then dragged his hands down Taeil's thighs.

He rolled his hips down again, starting a slow rhythm, just enough to make them both feel good, and followed the crease where Taeil's leg met his hip with his fingertips. The skin there was so soft and vulnerable; he watched Taeil shiver, heard him giggle once at the ticklish touch, and moved on.

The first few times they'd made love, Taeil had been much thicker. Not especially chubby, but solid. Junhong still thought of that when his hands were on Taeil's ribs, feeling the difference. Each breath Taeil took made his ribs expand in Junhong's grip so the bones felt more prominent and the raised lines of his tattoo flattened slightly.

He leaned down for another kiss, thumbing the pierced nipple at the same time. Taeil's body clenched around him, predictable but wonderful. Junhong didn't trust himself to do that for long. He brought both hands up to Taeil's face, following the V from his cheekbones to his chin, tracing over the almost-nonexistent indent under his mouth, and the sweetheart line of his upper lip.

His skin felt a bit oily from sleeping all night, but Junhong didn't care. He ghosted a finger up the ridge of Taeil's nose and across an eyebrow. "You're so beautiful."

"You always flatter me in bed." Taeil murmured. His hands skimmed up Junhong's arms to his shoulders, then down his chest to his defined abdominal muscles. He traced the indent down the middle, then gripped Junhong's hips and pulled them harder against himself, arching his back and tightening down, milking Junhong's dick with each pull back.

Junhong grit his teeth, pushing himself faster and harder into Taeil. He slid one hand down Taeil's side, over the small rises of ink, and inward to curl around Taeil's dick. He'd called it 'impressive' the first time he felt Taeil hard through his clothes, and he still thought the description fit.

Though not big the way Junhong was, Taeil had a surprisingly large dick for such a tiny man. It had stopped feeling foreign in Junhong's hand after all the times he'd held it; stroked it. Taeil's fingers curled around his when he started pumping, setting the speed of his pulls. 

"Oh..." He gasped, his voice half exhalation. "Oh god, Junhong... Harder."

The increase in speed and power felt unreasonably good. Junhong rocked sharply into Taeil, slapping their bodies together hard enough to rattle the bed and to wring helpless noises from Taeil. He felt the end coming; felt Taeil's body clinging tighter and tighter, his dick twitching.

"Don't stop." Taeil whimpered. He held on; kept pulling Junhong into himself as he came, shivering violently even as his legs held on and his hands kept tugging. Junhong held his pace, fucking deep into Taeil until he found his own release.

Taeil was sweat damp and breathless underneath him. His eyes were bright and slightly unfocused. "Thank you..." He started, barely intelligible.

Junhong shushed him, petting his tattooed side again.

"No, really..." Taeil kissed him, sweeter now. "Thank you for loving me the way you do. For teaching me to trust again... For... For showing me how courage and partnership really works."

Junhong was thankful for Taeil's appreciation. "You're welcome?" He settled beside Taeil and pressed an ironically innocent kiss to his lips.

Taeil snuggled close. "I really am scared about the future... But I finally feel like I can face my fears."

Junhong nuzzled the side of Taeil's neck. "...and I'll be right by your side."

Hopefully, forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two stories have been so much fun to write, we want to thank all of you who have stuck with us through literally a hundred thousand words and so much emotion.
> 
> DDiva and ATribe are writing a novel! We've learned a lot working on this, so hopefully it will be awesome.
> 
> Thank you all again, we appreciate and love all of you.
> 
> ❤️


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